A WALK BY YAU....

PURI INDAH OSP: IT WAS NOT LUXURY BUT HORRIFYING INDEED!

2012-02-06T03:14:00.002+10:30

I am not sure not all know about this luxury apartment in Brunei known as the PUNI INDAH LUXURY RESIDENCE. It is situated at ONG SUM PING, yes where the government offices are and currently the new Polytechnic. The reason I am writing is to share my experience. I was first introduced to this place few months ago where I accompanied friends for an appreciation dinner there. It was nice and very welcoming.
My second visit was just last Saturday 4th February 2012 to have dinner with my friends there. My friend is a tenant there. Being new, I was cautious, and when i entered the premise, I did slow down expected to be stopped by the guard there as I am not resident but no, so hence i thought it was ok to enter n parked my car. Yes i had doubt about where to park and I parked behind where there was not even a single car around at that time, the parking slots were almost empty. As my friend was still out, i waited outside the entrance for about almost ten to fifteen minutes (where i was visible to the guard station) and then waited I entered the Lobby as it was hot outside. A friend came to join me later and as she asked and was instructed to park at visitor carpark (which btw not clearly visible at night and for new comer, we would not know). Well I did come across that maybe I had parked my car at the wrong spot. Not long after I had this thought, while at lobby, I was approached by the guard (asked sternly by him as if it was such a huge crime and like wow like he owned the place). His tone was not polite but hey, i went and moved my car as instructed.
When i parked my car at the allocated space and I was out of my car, again he approached me again. The way i was approached, it was abrupt and rude as he stated, "next time do ask us... can u not see that we are working here and asked us... if you park at the tenant's place, they would complaint (seriously was empty) bla bla'... Yes i acknowledged that and simply noded and Yes.
I walked towards the entrance to the lobby again to join my friend waiting there and he kept blabbering again alongside me. I was not in any mood to strike any conversation and like yes you did you job and leave me alone. You don’t have to keep saying it... I GOT IT! (all were in my head). He kept blabbering and i just said finally to him... “Ok i got it... Whatever!”... This was the point i knew he was angry with me as he thought I was rude. I was like nope… you started it. I walked quickly and left him behind. I walked into the lobby and sat down with my friend and guess what, he was not satisfied, he opened the door and in high pitch and tone, reprimanded me that I was rude to him and he was not pleased. I kept quiet and there he was blab la… so I replied back “YES GOT IT… ENOUGH!”. Then saw my friend’s car came (the one staying there) and wow… the guard went to them and complaint about me. My friend and his family just listened to him and did not comment on anything. I was informed that he looked really mad and pissed and kept insisting that I was rude. My friend just listened and ya… who cares just a minor disagreement and dissatisfaction. Then, we went up and had dinner. Seriously, I was disturbed by the incident and it was pretty much spoiled my mood. I just want to get it over and done dinner and out. Furthermore, I had other engagement to go to again. So an hour later, after dinner was done about 9+pm, I excused myself and went down to my car to leave. It did come across my mind that I would face the guard again. I could not be more wrong. I was there sitting in my car waiting for him to release the pole and let me out. As expected, he ignored and just let me be in my car. He refused to let me out. I was like oh my god… he was not over it. In malay I said to myself.. “Liwan jua org tua ane… nda sedar diri membawa rasa marahnya”… not stereotyping maybe he is an ex army whom the society always label them being short tempered and many anger problem (not all I must say so do not get me wrong!). My phone rang and I picked it up. While answering the phone, I saw him out of his hut and went to my car. I scrolled the window down to be reprimanded again. HELL I SAID I DON’T DESERVE THIS… I AM A GUEST HERE!! But I just listened as I knew there was no point in arguing back. All I wanted was to go out and leave. While all these happened, my phone was still on and my friend on the other line could listen and she was worried sick about my safety as she could tell how mad and angry this guard was and who knew what could happened. I asked him what did he want, just forget it. Being ego, I refused to apologize as he started it first. And he kept blabbering again and yes this moment it was more to harrassment! Asking where i live and my background and stated i was such a rude person. And proudly he asked what I was going to do as he would not let me go out (sounded like I am so powerful, aint i? you are stuck now). I was rushing for my next engagement and needed to go soon but he delayed me. I said to him I would not deal with him and just let me go. There was no sign of him slowing down... and yes i was abrupt and saw there was space in between the poles that I thought could squeeze my car and out. So I did that... without realising there was something there... I knew I hit something but what I had in mind was just I WANTED OUT. I did not know what damage I had caused… Yes I was impulsive there I must say. My car made sound after that and I knew I had to get it checked and fixed. I did that as seriously there was no sign or watsoever that the guard would let me out and i had to do that. I was like wow what a night well what a terrifying night I had. And I was alone by myself. I did inform my friends whom stayed there after that but what could they do.
I am not saying that PURI INDAH is bad, it can be better. The image they portrayed was not how I felt that night. I felt unsafe and all I wanted was out of the place. That was my worst experience with guards. I worked at time at Palace and the security there was tight and yet I felt welcome and they were nice. Come on… that is Palace and this is just apartment for commoners (well was told more to expat though more to foreigners). That made me think, one of the questions that the guard at PURI asked me was I local? I didn’t know the point of asking that question but maybe that was why he was rude to me as, if I was not local, he would treat me better. Being local is such a low standard to be there at PURI maybe. I am a frequent visitors at ARMADA EXCUTIVE HOUSE, RIMBA as well and wow.. I must salute the management and the security guards there as I never encountered this and the guards are nice and well-mannered even when they stopped us for questions, they asked in the most polite way and very customer caring.
This experience caused me distressed and very traumatic. I am not happy and not pleased. Friends advice that I seek legal advice or report for harassment. I just feel I do not need that. And well, looking at the advert… PURI is stated as luxury residence but wow… it was not for me indeed it was horrific and terrifying!
And YES I WILL NEVER STEP INTO THAT PLACE EVER AGAIN!

2012-02-03T20:53:00.001+10:30

hi nothing much today... i am just excited that in a week i am off to Kl and then to Seoul.... i dont know being in Brunei cant stressed me out! hate it! ha ha ha..... anyhow...
Well... wat lately seriously nothing much.... and well MOH will have the career thingie this coming week... hope it okays... but i know it will be lame as well!

2012-01-23T19:33:00.002+10:30

I am just vending my frustration to a group of frens... diners... i dont know why when fixing some outings... never ever been smoothly... this n that n now i am saying to myself i will not arrange anything again... fed up with replied as if i m hassling n bothering... at times i m only conveying msg and at times i wonder as well... why cant they contact each other directly rather than thru me... duhhh.... n never come to any conclusion... fed up! and some ppl will never even reply or do ackowledgement.... seriously u all are educated.... ppl asked do reply.... i m not comparing... but yes hell... it does make sense why i rather stick to my poker frens... and they are part of me now... like a family.... unlike this person... pilih bulu.... my sis in law so ryte about this person! i m not up to ur standard issit... duhhh.... ok enough...
and one thing i realised... when we hang out pllsss la do not talk all abt medical stuffs.... it is so boring... it is a hang out... n plsss dont be so eccentric... some topics are so not unrelated n i get bored seriously! i know all of us in medical/health world... a bit is fine but.... sorry i been keeping this to myself.... and thus i think i have reached my limit and thru this i vent it.... i m not saying all... few la hahah as i m ok with the married couple one.... in friendship we have to compromise... but if one side doing all the compromising... wont never work... and one more thing.... why only one side will do the inviting... do call out but not the others.... really i observed if this one side dont arrange anything no meet up i think....
anyhow... lets stop just that i feel fed up.. i asked n i got replied 'uhuh' wats that about... duuuhhh....
n well on the bright side... poker ahahaha i m so glad to know these ppl.... nice indeed... n genuine.... :)
and yes.... i m going to seoul in few weeks! yay!! 3 weeks again!!

2012-01-18T13:39:00.002+10:30

If people asked me whom i love the most now... well it has to be my nephew... my jewel... cant explain the love i have for this little dude... he is right on time to my family.... he is our heart and our soul now! Love u syg! Our Baby Danial Hakim!

2012-01-18T13:32:00.002+10:30

I tot this movie was good... fight scenes and all were good to me... many critics slammed this movie... well at the end of the day it is up to u and your taste i think!

2012-01-18T13:30:00.001+10:30

i know it is early to be excited but i cant help it.... but i cant stop thinking abt going to seoul! hehehe another foreign land and well bless my cousins for arranging it! ;) we definitely will have a good time!

2012-01-17T04:16:00.002+10:30

It is almost end of jan... i feel it has moved so fast... tomorrow we are starting the workshop for the counselor and i must say we are not counselor but we are sharing our expertise...
anyhow... things have not much changed and i will try to be more strict and i am so sorry as i been so lenient and i feel i much change. And i dont care anymore if i am alone in this... like it that way....
and one thing i observed that people are so talam dua muka!

2012-01-14T17:44:00.002+10:30

It is like middle of Jan... and what i been doing... well pretty much the same stuffs... and ermm... although new year but some ppl just stay the same... no change n no nothing.... and seriously if i can change some ppl i would!
anyhow i dont want to be cranky and my blog is filled with stories about me complaining this and that.
Well... i cant wait in a month time i be off again for a long leave and i will be going to Korea... for the first time.... n well i will keep the excitedness when the time comes.... and i hope this will be a memorable one.... and well tnxs my cuz Shadie for organizing this and that.... and well... apart frm me... its Danny, Azim and Abg Komeng... hehehe yup we call it The SAADY.... and well i like when we plan for next yr maybe insya-allah we go UMRAH....

2012-01-09T06:38:00.002+10:30

This is just random but i really think she is pretty... Sandra Dewi An indonesian Actress .... her beauty is in the same league as Dian Sastrowoyo(i bet wrong spelling) hahaha.....

2012-01-09T06:36:00.000+10:30

Shit... i am unable to sleep... its almost 4am... should i stay awake n go to work... aiyo...

Between 'Ombak Rindu' and 'Dibawah lindungan Kaabah'

2012-01-09T01:32:00.002+10:30

Well, i know it has been ages since i do writing about movies. Well... recently in Malaysia, everyone was talkinga about this new movie "Ombak Rindu" and how well it was doing till it beated "KL Gangster" (which i think was copycat from Young & Dangerous and sadly not even come close, how it was doing well was a wonder for me as the movie was shallow and really bad acting etc... always a case box office movies in Msia are shallow... erm make me wonder how ppl think there)... anyhow... i wont say 'Ombak Rindu' was bad... could be better and i watched it as Maya karin was in it... for me she is the best actress in Msia... n yes i must say she acted well... i am biased as i like her hahaha.... and well... plss Lisa Surihani... stop being an actress... how u won an award for best actress was a wonder... then again... in Msia... no actress can act... but ada ler a few yg ppl there wont look at.... and erm Aaron... trying to be cute just yuck hahahah well acceptable la... as the movie was doing well as we need this genre.... let see the sypnosis....Based upon the bestselling Malaysian novel, “Ombak Rindu” is about the romance between Izzah and Hariz, two lovers from different worlds. Izzah is a village girl who has been sold by her father to a nightclub in KL as a prostitute. However, Hariz, a rich man’s son, has bought her from the nightclub to keep as his own mistress. She begs him to make her an honest woman and he agrees, on the condition that she doesn’t claim any rights as a wife. Hariz soon softens his heart and learns to fall in love with Izzah. However, he is ordered by his mother to wed a childhood friend – Mila. and like typical drama... tis and tat... i bet most of u know of the story... very typical indeed and that the recipe for the success i believe.... i read the novel ages ago n yes it worked well for those era.... okay...
let us look at 'Dibawah Lindungan Kaabah'... the sypnosis is Hamid and Zainab comes from two families from different social levels. Hamid, who came from poor families and Zainab who come from wealthy families. Hamid has received grants from the father of Zaynab, is the mother of Hamid works Zaenab Family House. The proximity makes Zainab Hamid and then fell in love. They share the same dream that every nation is free to love and be loved, and dream of the pilgrimage to Mecca to perform.
Hamid has done everything to Zainab. In order to realize their love. To realize this dream. Through various obstacles they wanted a divorce, try to open one of the chains that were his regular hours.Even when his desire to Zainab was gone, he still fought for the desire to achieve his dreams and Zainab went to the Kaaba. Hamid trouble to Mecca for Zainab. Zainab here struggled to keep his love for Hamid.
acted superbly by the main actors, Herjunot Ali and Laudya c Bella... and the supporting acts were all brilliant. Seriously... this is where i see 'Ombak Rindu' as a piece of crap when compared to this movie.
Dont get me wrong.... but like yes... 'Ombak Rindu' will never come close to this movie in any way. Still this movie is period piece and in many ways it is applicable... and i read in one newspaper how he labelled "Ombak Rindu" as a cheap tragedy yes... it is right.
People said you will cry for Ombak and for me you will think back n reflect on yourself when you watch Dibawah.... the value is different... cry as love... while u will sit back n think about your life for dibawah.... amazing....
and while ppl like wah Izzah is so religious as wearing jilbab... but Zainab without full Jilbab far more islamic than Izzah....
wat i can say... wow... Indonesia makes better (well superb)religious movies than Msia.... Msia so far behind.... n yet they think they are superior (ego maniac).... anyhow... still watchable for Ombak n after seeing Dibawah... i feel ashamed and so small for thinking Ombak is good... thus why in my FB i put... it is a piece of crap..... but well... it was good and decent i reckon for Malay standard! Maya was great but everyone was brilliant in Dibawah...
Ciao....

Bila Rossa berkata...

2012-01-09T01:25:00.002+10:30

I was reading an entertainment blog... www.ohbulan.com and came across an article where a singer, Rossa stated that 'muzik asia tenggara dikuasa oleh muzik indonesia' ... for me well maybe overly stated but i believe it is not wrong.... look at how Indonesian doing so well abroad.... Like Agnes Monica... Like Anggun (who btw for me is the best Asian singer.... No 1 Asia Singer... while some claimed Siti... Siti who?) and i read some comment by Malaysian condeming Rossa's statement... i was like... i smelled jealously... go online and check of Indonesian singers achievement abroad.... many and a lot... and like even Nike Ardilla before was recognised.... so pls Malaysian... ur music gone down and nothing can be proud of... and i can say even us in Brunei is so doing well in music just we dont have the exposure and any means to promote due to MIB... poor our local artists whom are far more talented than any those proclaimed international artists in Malaysia.... well... yes some claimed Korean conquered the music now... yes... not malaysian hahahah.... ok then... stop for now....

2012-01-04T12:52:00.002+10:30

Happy new yr ppl... had an awesome time in Jakarta.... n for u... sigh... like i mentioned earlier... should i b me to make all the first move.... u do know i m not keen with what happened before n yet i dont see any effort coming from ur side... and so dont expect me to do the same..... n dont blame me if i moved on!

2011-12-23T01:50:00.001+10:30

I am not avoiding. With the KK bus incident... i been working... all u said... "u still busy?" no how are u... no concern... watever... and like you knew i am not happy... why not self reflect and see what u have done.... make joke again... anyhow i cant wait to be out of Brunei.... yes i be on holiday!

2011-12-20T01:47:00.002+10:30

In relationship, i believe there is the do and the dont... even if we joke... i bet there is limit to it. So tonyte seriously... i could not take the joke.... and well... like i said... who would have the last laugh.... i m serious....

End of 2011

2011-12-18T23:01:00.001+10:30

In less than 2 weeks, we will be leaving 2011 and welcoming 2012. Well 2011 has been a challenging year for me. I can’t say it is a bad year but it taught me a lot this year. Beginning of the year was a difficult time. I had my surgery and I spent my new year in hospital being admitted. Thanks for those visiting. And funny how some ppl like… ‘I didn’t visit you as I reckon you would want your privacy’ haha excuses… real frens would just visit. Anyhow…. Not a big thing really.
Beginning of the year, I was burdened by the leaving of one of my colleagues. I bet everyone knows. Asked for unpaid leave on the basis of further study and of course knowing the real reason behind it I couldn’t approve it. And my signature was forged and letters dated on days I was being admitted. Whole long story but it died down a bit now. And really I have no idea what the outcome. And only recently I was asked by CEO as this person asked for extension of her unpaid leave. See… how could I approved it before as now I was questioned why the extension and the course just started recently while she asked for unpaid leave very early in the year. Sigh….
And while we are on this subject about colleagues…. Another one… whom is known to be problematic… everyone is aware. And I had been a good fren and kept my eyes shut. But recently… I don’t know anymore. Just because her application was questioned, and superior had to ask me, it seemed that I was the one who is not supportive. How can I help when you are not helping yourself. Read the letters I wrote… whatever she wanted me to write I complied with back-up and yet she couldn’t back up herself. Couldn’t defend herself and I was asked. Read the letters carefully, there was not in any way that I opposed but very supportive. It caused us strained. She couldn’t accept fact and wanted an easy way out. Yes you can do this master n get into clinical psych in future… but ppl question why had to be this course 2 years in US… same as the previous one. And sorry… I just interviewed one applicant yesterday that just qualified in MFT from US… so I don’t see the need having 3 ppl doing the same thing. But was frustrated me with these two cases are these people are close to me. I been doing what I can to cover them, defending them when ppl said bad things about them… I even had argument with Ms SS before and see what I got in return. Sigh….. well I had made my mind… I made effort to be okay with Ms SS again. She may be harsh but at times I do feel she is right about them.
Anyhow… I wanna be more strict this 2012… no more mr nice boss… and I will get Pg Hartini involvement more and the next leave I have I will put her as my Pemangku. I am just fed up. And well, I been nice didn’t work… I do different approach.
Well, it may seem that it was negative for me. Well maybe yes. Being betrayed many times. I broke up with Q… but seriously it was the best thing. Being accused of this and that. Being the subject on the facebook… making me realised my goodness what type of ppl have I been hanging out. I self-reflected myself. And well… one incident when a person inbox me on FB and said I wanted to bring this dance company down… I was like wow… and being told who was the culprit… wow… I always question the loyalty of this person anyhow…. Not a surprise. I been told how this person had always been jealous of me… and I was told once that this person even called Police to ambush a gathering I was hosting. Anyhow… I wish you luck hanging out with bunch of losers!
Well… one a brighter note…. I had a good bday bash… pool party… I know lots expressed envyness for being not invited.. sorry only frens and exclusive. And thank you Didi Ahmad…. You have made my life better. A lot was jealous as my crowd is somebody. Sorry ppl… we are a group of highly educated ppl… mainly from overseas…. Lawyers, doctors, shrink… u name it…. and VVIP. I heard a lot but like I said… this is my life now… I only hang out with two groups mainly… Diners and PokerFace. And well recently I reconnected with an old fren… Wae… and how ppl talked about it… I am like hello… this is my fren of 8 years….. ok… leave it. Wae told me a lot… it seems that people have problem with me… while I don’t know what their problems are… well bottom line is jealousy! Hahaha…
Maybe I am not lucky in love…. I moved on. Now I am with someone… I am happy but sigh…. Problems always there… I am trying to be the understanding one but at times I wish the other party see my side too. Less I say the better. It been good and great but constraint this and that taken a toll on it lately…. I am still alone most of the time and dealing with this and that myself… sigh… I left H for this. And well lately, someone is trying to get my attention…. I really feeling afraid…. I deserve to be happy too…. I m very tired being the one making this work…. Like the one must message… being waiting for message…. Saying how happy to get my message…. But don’t you think I would like to be message too…. Must it b me the first to make move in everything…. Making plan etc… I know your restriction but a gesture would be nice… and sorry to say it here… at times, syg said thing that hurt me…. Last meeting we had… you asked why didn’t I leave u? why I still sticking to you. I was quite a bit n my mood changed… the words hurt and I only said as I made the commitment…. by saying that made me felt you are insecure. And by putting on FB… I don’t need anyone…. As your partner… have u ever tot how that would affect me…. Sigh….
Well… I wont think much…. In less than two weeks… its new year… hope better days. Well… this years also marked that I travelled a lot…. Many… went kl in feb, Brisbane in April, Singapore/KK/Manila in june…. And then went to Kl again in August and then I went HK in Nov…. and well next week I am off to Jakarta…. And next yr in Feb… Korea! Yay! Its my money… I don’t care ppl….. hahahaha….. Jealous much…. Be very very jealous!
And well… I know ppl that I used to know now estranged funny that I felt nothing… even Q… it means that these ppl are so insignificant in my life!  I miss Kieu a lot and well I cant wait for Dianne to be here next year!! Must be awesome!! Anyhow… I stop here til next time…. Better time and better year!

2011-12-06T02:28:00.002+10:30

New yr is approaching....normally i wont have resolution but this yr... i wanna be a better Head.... and i will change my way of reigning... n u ppl.... watch out.... knw the difference between... being asked and being instructed!

2011-12-06T02:26:00.001+10:30

on the bright side... hey i passed my GO and FR... scored C for both papers! yaya.....

2011-12-06T02:26:00.000+10:30

on the bright side... hey i passed my GO and FR... scored C for both papers! yaya.....

2011-12-06T02:25:00.000+10:30

Hi,
I know I have not been writing for a long time. Things are just pretty much the same. Love life is the same… adjusting to being in relationship.  and well I went to HK early November… and it was fun. And just recently I did help in SO. It was good to be helping but now I know why I left before. Just the people to be working with. I can’t stand them. Just put my nawaitu to help and put everything else aside. And well seriously I don’t think I want to be involved more in future unless things change in there. Just *&^% really!
And well… things at work is the same. Pretty much occupied and seriously at times I lost my direction. Not focus with all the projects of this and that. I wonder why when I was in UK or OZ… when u r a clinician… u r a clinician… and lest other things. Not to say u won’t do anything else but all are related and beneficial. But here is like endless and fruitless. You be part of something that you r not good at… and of course the outcome is suck.
And seriously I am very frustrated with certain attitudes of people. Think they would get away with anything. The good one will be used fully and no one will look at you. And for once I am saying here I hate being the head! I know it came with a price but like if talking about I am not a good leader or delegating… I think I am but like I think I have bad followers. Not motivated and not very incentive. And once I said a thing would pull a face and sour face! Lest I said what happened with the one before… who did all the damage. And now another one. I been nice… seriously….
I am tired being the nice one… and at the end… still I m not good. And like how can I help when you are not helping urself. I know I am bad saying this… do reflect of all ppl… why everyone progress and only you cant and still stuck… we help a lot… but at the end of the day you are not helping yourself!
Giving up whenever I said something… I am fed up being asked n query by the ppl up there… and since this is a matter that involved you, of course I need the cooperation. Wat? being the head do I have to be in charge of all…. Meaning I know it all… as I m superior! HELLO… THIS IS YOUR FUCKING MATTER!! And despite I have the qualification… not all I learn from uni… learn it from experience ppl!!!
Sorry ppl… I know I should not vent it out but at times just too much! Seriously I can just shut my eyes n do nothing….. and well.. for certain times… I feel like stepping down…. But who else can take this job!
And yes… I know I wont just be like this…. I have plan…. Just time will tell…. I m just fed up and fed up!!

2011-10-27T12:55:00.002+10:30

It has been a while since i write in here. I been well and very happy. In happier place. Anyhow... sat for my FR and tomorrow is the GO paper and i feel that i have not covered much. Well all the best i can say ;)
Anyhow... i am going next week on work-trip to HK and normally i dont tell my family but eventually they would know. At times, i dont know it is me or at times i just cant stand mum's behavior. Many la... one thing about makan... asking whether i wanna makan at wrong times... say at 3pm or 4pm plus... more to tea ke apa... and yet sunday at lunch time i made myself available at dining table... she did not ask. And like looked at me and said 'oh i dont knw u wanna makan'...argghhh... or like u r abt to go out and asked where u going and u replied out for lunch or dinner and then she would ask... "mau makan"... i be like %^&$.....or she asked why u sweat when it was obviously i just back from hiking or doing sport... in sport attire.... n last nyte i happened to say i may go to HK to attend course... she asked with who... said alone and she gave me a look and then said why alone... wont u be scared..... i was maximally ^&*%................
i was away on my one... at young age.... overseas for many years.... and travel here n there on my own... and i am not young anymore... to be asked that kind of question... and yet like my brother always do work trip and she asked nothing....
sorry maybe it is not nice but just that... at times... it got into my head!

2011-10-08T19:29:00.001+10:30

SIADWTDCAITYGNRM!!!AUGDIUTNTOMTNYAAALIWMWIP!

2011-10-08T19:23:00.001+10:30

oh ya just a though n wonder... when someone sounded so distress like a matter of life n death... and yet sound so ok and normal on fb hahaha and like wow still ada masa updating hahahaha...

2011-10-08T19:08:00.002+10:30

I believe there is a certain extent to what we can help people with. Okay... i think partly it might have been my fault. I do not want to be negative. Okay on FB someone i barely know seek help from me. Hospital related. I was told that this person's friend had this problem. A cyst in the ovary and did check up in KB Hospital and was told she had a growth of 3cm in her ovary and well kind of refused treatment (so i was told) as she was afraid if she did go for surgery, her chance to be able to conceive would be slim. Fair enough and well she did a check up in Miri and was told that it was 5cm growth well... that considered as big. Anyhow... this person whom i did not know at all but like my nature like to help as i was told she had no follow-up or watsover frm KB hospital hence yes i know i could help at least get her to be seen by gynaecologist or so.... all these thru FB... which i dislike as i thought it was not professional. Fair enough. So i gave my office number and throughout the night she been messaging me on my FB.. and did try to contact my mobile (my fren whom knew her gave my number which i was not keen). well... so and so... i kept asking for detail etc... and guess til today i was like how would i proceed in getting info at least when i been ignored the request for her detail by her... name and ic.... many messages n i kept repeating name n ic.... so i can access her medical record or at least if i ever want to get appointment for O&G would be convenient to get some details u know what i mean. So i get fed up and i gathered that apparently she is still on review with KB hospital end of October n now she felt the pain. Repeatedly i told her... in pain simply go hospital.. what the problem... need no me... and on and on she requested to talk to me when i said sorry it is not my area n she is a patient with KB hospital just go to that hospital... easy as she is frm KB and that the hospital and they would do the needful. and did she listen no! n like no name n ic which by now i dont need as all she can do is go hospital if in pain.... i just wonder... what wrong with her.... it is so simple n why made it complicated... pain go hospital la... Duh.... shit man... this is annoying.
Another thing i always get is when random ppl whom not i share mutual activities ke apa or relatives that i know but hardly in touch... ask me whether i can get them first class.... alamak... plss la.... when u get admitted ask la sendiri... i would keep the privileges to myself n my close family la.... adui.... heheheheh.... and well.... like i said i do not want negative but ppl pls la.... think n use ur head!

anyhow... better stop here... and yes syg... i miss u heaps!

2011-10-01T02:38:00.002+09:30

DCT released an english album.. and overhyped as always... been mangnified in such a wrong magnitude... seriously it looked cheap...and well i did listen... not bad.. but to say the best... hey that is so over... and i am like many artist before released english album and well the people and media made it like she is the first to do so... please la...
anyhow... I must say... the Bruneian artists made better song and can sing Better english songs than her....

2011-10-01T02:30:00.002+09:30

hi... it is already october... and well i am so will learn my GO and FR soon... and well... i hope to get my holiday sorted out a.s.a.p. i hope soon ya... anyhow... nothing much really... had my clinic open... and like always busy with my work.
Some asked why i am sticking to my poker frens... one thing... when i got problem and was breaking up etc and the shit... these are the ppl that were there for me... sorry Diners were not there... i didnt feel they were and i am sorry to say that... that is why i appreciate these ppl and sorry if it has appeared that i prioritize these ppl...
anyhow... yes i hope my ex can move on... i have my syg now... and hahaha dont make me laugh by making up stories esp.. 'i am a degree holder from australia, i was sent by my sister' hahahahha.... funny... to do degree u need A level at least or O level... and yet you have none.... my god... not even a diploma for crying out loud... oh my... why the lie.... u have nothing... it is just nothing.... and sorry ur story made no sense n not fun... like wat my fren Asil said... BUTA HATI & GILA.... hahaha..... stop this...
Anyhow... i hope to go to Msia and HK soon... attending course/seminar... i need them hahaha... to get out of Brunei...
Okay then... till later...

2011-09-23T13:40:00.004+09:30

hi... i got my appraisal yesterday. I wont comment much on it as i knew i would do good... yes i got 93%... in the excellent group. What i wanted to say here is the comment and discussion made. It was funny that i had to hear all in front of others. Ermm... last year too.
well among the comment was i was too loose. I am not a strict leader. indeed in some point i think i am that. I will make changes to that to be a better leader. and how we are said to cover each other asses. Well i admit i do come late to work like 8 plus but i never go out to lunch where i spent my time eating in my office and do all the write up n reports writing so it like give and take and i do come in friday or sunday to work whenever they need me.
and one more thing that really kind of me wonder me or even pissed me off... 'to beautify' our psychology clinic... it is an old run down building.... and well i was told not to 'meminta all the time' or 'mengharap' and do like Rose Lim... ask for sponsor... are we even allowed to do that. like ask sponsor for things in our clinic? assessment tools? table chairs? and wat charity bodies or banks i would approach? and in return what would they get for getting us all the things we want? would office in JPA ask for sponsor to beautify their building or offices like table paints chairs? and let me tell you this.. the current place i am having... i can tell 90% are our own things... 100% of the neuropsychological assessments tools are mine personally.... and clinical psych things are all our own... so in wat way 'meminta' all the time when we are never even given any to start of with and expected to be the very best in return. Hello... no incentives! and well how we would boost our motivation to give the best!
and yes when i was told how lucky CPD to be given sponsor to attend courses the whole time... let me tell u this... never! only M & H ever go. And no query if M applies... look at it now... H applies without M... queries all over. To say that... my god... i have never been. Yes it appeared that i attended courses here and there... yes i did on my own expenses!! i been working since 2004 not once i ever been sent to attend courses or seminar.... and how on earth you said i am lucky as i been sponsored... yes you may have signed my application but at the end of the day it all were rejected okay....
okay enough said.... but bottom line... i am frustrated... i dont knw til when i would endure this.... although in my head not even 5 years i be gone from here!

2011-09-22T01:41:00.004+09:30

I am about to sleep... being the nosy i am hahaha... okay few matters i want to comment here:
1. Nelly's tweeter... seriously i dont think he meant harm... it was just tweeter where you tweet... and when he said 50% of crowd cant speak English... well maybe it was just a spontaneous thought where he was amazed despite English is not the main language the audience was great... able to sing along with him... wasn't that a compliment? People normally see the bad side... Yes no offence i think not a lot of people in Malaysia could master the English Language well.. but this is not to say they are not able... not all okay... i knw some are good but not all... when someone mentioned that 90% or even stating almost 100% Malaysian do speak English i think that statement is overrated... Seriously... Siti Nurhaliza herself cant speak English well! Thats just an example okay... dont take offence ya.... and well.. i was not pleased when a tweeter person called Nelly... N*&^%... that is offensive ok! No one can tolerate that okay... well... this is just my thought okay...
2. About the movie 'Hantu Bonceng' where it was labeled as the most high gross income movie during the festive raya season in history... i watched that movie with a friend... i thought the movie was shallow.. and YES... i am not religious but i did find the movie as offensive for muslims! I am very open minded... i thought DOGMA was hillarious despite i know it was offensive for christians... but the movie was mainly for entertainment value... but this Malay movie was meant to be comedy with messages... good messages (Konon!) and yet i tot it was a lame movie and making joke about religion... very shallow... and when i read about the mistake about the verse offending the prophet... i was like wow... and for the director to state not to make it big deal... erm.... it is a big deal... imagine it is done by foreigners... wouldnt ppl in Malaysia would want to hunt down the maker... riot even main political parties in the country would comment something... or come up and be a hero depending the dignity and integrity of Islam... well yes not big deal i reckon.. it is just movie... like i said i m just blogging here.... and i always wonder why good movie in Malaysia... never well accepted while crap movies got all the attention... erm... come on... i want more Shuhaimi Baba... movies with intellectual things in it.... not just random gangster!
3. Well... one statement i must say... Indonesia makes the best religion-based movie... Ayat-Ayat Cinta may not be great but it was good start... followed by Ketika Cinta Bertasbih, Syahadat Cinta, Mak ingin Naik Haji... stating a few... and last that i know of was Dalam Mihrab Cinta... all brilliant... and sorry Malay movie none close to any of these... well i salute Surga Cinta for effort and Well sadly Nurkasih The movie... failed in many ways.... and well... new one... I just found out new religion-based movie is releasing soon.... Di Bawah Lindungan Ka'bah... looked amazing!

okay... dah cukup dah la saya membebel... surely ada yg marah ne hahahah well like i said i wrote wat i have in mind... i mean no harm.... i may not be right the whole time... but all my thoughts saja.... :)

my Travel plan

2011-09-21T14:56:00.001+09:30

erm... i knw this is ahead... well... my plan.... next few weeks i b in KL... n then followed few weeks after that to HK..... n well... in between would have my GO/FR thing and well.... hope i can do it... or else resit hahaha... and well Dec... i cant go to UK to join the pokerface.... well plan to go Jakarta with Amal..... and then back n would be ready to go to Korea in February...
April... last yr was in OZ... no plan yet mayb Bangkok... and summer is the tricky bit.... UK/Seychelles/Adelaide... erm..... all before puasa.... and well if d izinkan... i wanna go Umrah.... well tis all just plan hehehe

2011-09-21T14:52:00.001+09:30

was looking at Dr Lin blog... entitle guy + Tatoo = HOT... hahahah erm.... seriously i wanted one hahahah ppl out there would kill me i know hahahaha

2011-09-21T14:44:00.002+09:30

wow... a bit tired...i felt like i was running here n there... i just called in to ward 19 saying i am not able to review the patient and the patient would be discharged tomorrow... and well i would see before the discharge tomorrow. Nah... i mean i have errands this afternoon... and i been working early... seeing outpatients.. and before JPMC, was called to emergency to see case there and once done... rushed off to JPMC and reviewed patients there... and was back around 12noon to go to OT open clinic... and well after that spent my time in my office doing reports and pending write-up and yes it is just half a day today... what a long day! :)
Anyhow... i have decided to go for the symposium in KL... as i needed to get away frm here as well.... sigh... tiring....
oh Ya yesterday... my syg told me again that my ex wrote that i am a whore... hahahah plss like i said before... get a life n move on..... god i must have hurt u in such a way that til now still grudge towards me.. i tot well i knew i ended it but i tot that what you wanted.... i remember very well... 'sorry i am taken'... thats wat u said to me... and i accepted that and now i m happier.... why u still mad at me.... Karma i reckon hahhaah....
by the way... i gained weight.... argghhhh.... post op til now i been doing less exercise damn no... i will lose it!!!! hahahahaha

2011-09-19T15:37:00.002+09:30

hi it has been a while... raya was around and well like i said before... feeling was not there... i did go beraya and funny without failed... i see my pokerface frens everyday... funny and yes we are closer than ever... and thus why when few were leaving... the rest had adjustment to do hehehe...
anyhow... nothing much really... i am happy with my life... with my syg...
And i knw this should not bother me... but i just want to say... i hope my ex would move on and stop slandering. Serious i dont know what the hell is your problem... cant see others happy... u chose ur path and i chose mine and well i knw mine was brilliant as seriously i am so over you already and i am in happier place... but do u have to mess my life... well not that it works... as well people whom know me wont fall easily to the BS that u said abt me. You called me "P*&^%$" before and yet you paraded pixs of u with a bunch of drags hahaha look who was talking.... and said i spread rumours... phew.... seriously u owe me a lot... lets just leave that to that... and u spread ceta so my syg hear abt it hahah well we arent stupid.... i am hiding? Hey you...you knw where i live... where i work and from my FB wherever i am... i let the world know... thats not hiding! BS again... anyhow... i just hope you get into ur senses... it has been almost 5 months since we broke up .... plss la get a life.... why filled ur FB walls abt me... when in the first place... u claimed to others that u didnt even know me.... so incongruent.... hahahah... at least ppl know who you are now!
Okay i will stop mentioning about you as i knw i should concentrate on my life... with my fab frens etc... ciao for now... tata titi tutu....

HANG UP ABOUT UR EX

2011-09-05T02:37:00.002+09:30

Looking at the heading… still hang up about ur ex… I am not talking about myself. I am so over mine. Never think back or look back. Anyhow, I am writing this to tell a person how I feel about this matter. I do understand the problem and the pain after a break up.. For me, it is a break up not break down! Anyhow… let me tell you this… I used to have one experience… I think it was back in 2005 or 2006, I used to go out with this girl… yes we were dating. Things were okay at first until I smelled something not right. Something fishy. Okay… I realised that she was not over her ex. Despite the claim that she broke up with her bf like a year already but she still kept checking her phone etc. And well… good thing I found out about it. We talked about and she assured me that I was her bf. Her heart and mind were for me (fcuking lame!). Well, can’t blame her too… we didn’t go out for a long time. This started like in our 2nd month relationship and then it came ramadhan and Eid Mubarak. And things started to get ugly or I started to rethink of the relationship as when we met and out for date, all she asked was about her ex. Telling me about her ex … ex and ex. And she did note that I wasn’t pleased. So it did cause us friction and well I was just giving us chances and more chances. Anyhow… I still remember it was one day in Eid Mubarak where I told her that I needed to be with my guy friends for Raya gathering at this lady whom we used to go to same University with. I remember I went out with Amir and Haji Lihan to Kak Weeja house for Leeds ppl get together. And I specifically told her not to disturb me (as she been suffocating me, I was her bf and yet she complaint about her ex most of the time) I mean it was just wrong, I was supposedly the one she was currently dating and she still got angry and complaint to me about her ex bf. Just try to put u ppl in my shoes how would u feel. I had limit in my patience as well. Okay for the certain time, before I went out, she was like ‘kusut’ about me going out with my guy friends as normally everyday she would want to spend it with me.. Everyday I fetched her home from work and any errands I would be there for her. So that night, I been harassed by her texts and eventually she called. I ignored and even off my mobile. Once I on it, she would call me again and for once, my friends were like ‘just pick it up’. So I did… to my horror… even before I said anything, she said “I am crying, my ex called me… I feel so hurt”. I was like you moron…. I exploded and very angry and off my mobile. What happened after that, I ignored all her calls and texts…. And yes I left her! Haiza knew of this… even Mawar. I left her as she was still hang up about her ex and I felt that it was wrong for her to do that to me. I was her bf and yet she talked and complaint about her ex! Well we only went out 3 months (for note, soon after that I left for Oz) and she had her own life.
Okay you must be wondering why I am writing this… this was like few years ago… the reason is that you… you know who you are… you are doing this to me…. I know I did say I am very understanding but there is limit to my understanding. You are repeating what she did to me. If I am your bf… would it be fair that you kept talking about ur ex bf… mood down thinking about ur ex… not happy and everything all about ur ex…. I was already sceptical with our long distance relationship but yes I do like you a lot so I gave it a go but with you behaving that way and all about ur ex… I for once… am not sure… and well u were the one who texted me and said you wanted to be friend. And I did say I was okay with it…. n I am so sorry if I wasn’t like before in keeping in touch with you as I knew I did my part in our relationship to keep in touch etc…. before I was always the first for u… even u with your friends… without failed u would still entertain me. I thought of it.. yes we are better of being friend and I do hope you understand. I did tell you… I analysed all… you still hang up about ur ex bf… n despite you said you love me… I am your rare jewel… but if I am all that, you would not be bothered or affected by your ex. You would not posed as someone else to dig out stories about him. I know you needed answers and all… but it all showed that you are not over him. So I am sorry… I don’t want to be hurt too… I knew you told me that when you met me you just broke up like a week with him. I could understand that and I even said that to you… I was your rebound. When I met you too… I just broke up few months but at least I knew I was over my ex. So I am sorry to write this but I just feel you need to know. I know I am very understanding and all but I still have my own feeling. Seriously… it did hurt me. How would you expect me to say or behave when you told me about how ur ex treated you… this and that. I stopped calling as I didn’t want to waste it to listen about you and your ex while by right we are supposedly going out. Sorry…. I think we are better off being friend. And do not blame me as I am honestly telling you here…. Someone else attract my attention. Like you said I deserve happiness too. I don’t want you to think that I was not loyal to you. I only paid attention to this person after you sent me the texts on my phone about being friend (that time all used to be nice n sweet between us, to receive that, i was stunned, no warning and i had to swallow them all). N you admitted to me that you still have him in your heart. Some of your messages did hurt me. I am sorry… I knew you said last two nights that you sorted out your mind… and you did say deep down… it was me… deep down…. But the surface is someone else. I don’t think I could live with that and put on my pokerface as if all is okay with me. Sorry…. You have to know this way. I don’t want to add more sadness to you but I think this is the best for us. I don’t want us to hurt each other. And I don’t want to hurt me.
And for this new person… I am thankful and I know I am clear about my feeling about you. Maybe we are not in cloud nine entirely but I have to say… I am liking you a lot and I can’t deny that I am starting to fall in love with you. And one thing I ask of you… if you read this… be clear of what you want… you did say you love me a lot… thank you for that… but please be sure of it… before we got further and once you want this to happen, I would definitely demand your commitment. If you ever have doubt… please tell me and do not start anything with me. Like I said… it is hard for me to open my heart for love… and i am willing to do that for you... so better be clear with me.... before you hurt me too...

2011-08-22T01:04:00.003+09:30

I wonder despite i have hidden my Fb and this and that... some stil penetrated to my account... and check on it... get a life ppl... what wrong with my god and blessed life? what ppl would think i would be miserable.... like i said before my life has always been good and even better now... and so what....
Like yes i admitted i always go out makan for sungkai... even that an issue... like i m showing off? i never bother about ppl fb... they can do wataver hell with theirs... and so i expect the same.... its my FB.... seriously.... ppl get a life hahahaha....
Yes... ppl i hang out.. PokerFace club and Diners club... are ppl with brain, titles.. etc and my other colleagues... we never disturb ppl... and so why like bother that i am friends with these ppl... sigh... gila... thats my activity and my life... i know i shouldnt bother but seriously when ppl kept bothering me.. i just wonder... what is wrong with them..... do i care about u ppl... Hell no...
Sigh... it is a 'boo' thing to even bother... and like always... i will just go on with my life.... it bothers others... thats not my f*&%$&# businesss... hahahaha let me use the phrase that ppl use... 'SakLiko' hahah sorry i tot that phrase is so Poklen! hahah

2011-08-22T01:01:00.003+09:30

I dont knw why i tot of D too much... and missing her a lot.... i know i love u D so much... sigh.... maybe it is the time of the month hehehe i remember even before in OZ... my partner J was so jealous of D.... n well... i still am with D now... hahahaha.... Sorry J... i will always love D more... hehehe god what got into me... I do still love u J... thats for sure... but we cant be together.... ;)

2011-08-20T18:19:00.001+09:30

today will try Fratini with the diner's club.... :) and well i had not a good at work.... well the less i say the better.... anyhow... wat came to my mind is sincerity of a certain person... :) i wont elaborate further.... and well... i made up my mind... new yr Jakarta... and Feb is Korea... summer... UK or Seychelles... mayb i pass on OZ this yr as i been there last yr... :)

2011-08-14T15:57:00.003+09:30

This yr puasa... i realised that i been eating out a lot.... compared to last yr i only went once.... like i been to Grazie Maurie, Saffron, Capers, Polo Terindak, Orchid, Nur wanita.... and today is Le Stadium... and two coming... Manjaro and Twelv... erm.... eheheh will try some more i guess hehehe

2011-08-14T15:51:00.002+09:30

So how so far... work pretty much busy and i must say this yr things looking so good... many patients and many referrals.... and like time simply passed by so nice... i am so gonna miss puasa work time... so great.... and ya... raya is soon... right now i havent got the mood yet.... last yr was not great too... with Danny putus cinta fiasco... and well... it was good for me as i was away heheheh but tis yr i stay n do the raya i guess :) anyhow someone asked me about my life post u know who... i am like oh god... ppl... i m good... like i said it was the best thing... i dont knw... i may sound bragging here but yes... life has been so good.... and i met Wae last week n he told me about a certain someone trying to dig out my story... n u... whom i called chicken... stop... get a life!
anyhow.... yesterday had a good day... work was good.... n the Psych had sungkai out... n celebrated Mun's bday.... and i asked Amal to join us... it was good... n then the Pokerface club gathering at Empire.... so good... and i looked back at it... i am like wow this is my life... n with these wonderful ppl.... i dont get old but i get better hahahah.... :)
All these things and all i can say.... Thank you Allah.... :)

2011-08-09T23:26:00.002+09:30

I know appraisal time is coming and i know throughout the year i do observe and see my staffs... but at times i do know that i expect too much... and i know i m so well versed in my clinical skills that i want everyone to share my passion and my ways... well i expect too much at times.... to have ppl to think and do way i do.... but at the end i realised that the new batch are distinctive... need to be groomed more... and well i do have to appraise accordingly.... and well... times like this... i wanna say despite all... despite what ppl said... and well... I do think Muizzah do have her own uniqueness and capacity... i mean many ppl do see it... but i know Hani and I see something in her and thus why we do defend her and have a soft spot as i know we all have our weaknesses but we always use her strength.... yes i must say at times... i miss having her in our office.... and i know at least i can rely on her... and well kesian Hani hehehehe today i rely on her a lot heheheheh okay ppl til later...

2011-08-09T23:04:00.002+09:30

Today it has been a week we are in Ramadhan month... and this year it has been smooth and yes... the feeling is very serenity... for me that is at least. I find it is so peaceful and work has been very good... Sorry Tuan Hj Jamal... my ceo as i been missing the tedarus... the niat to go was there... but selalu ada saja heheheheh Alasan tu Yusri hahhaha......
These few days... it has been good... ppl have been extra nice to me... and i have moved on. Thnxs God... for ur blessings!
So far i have dined out few times... tried Grazie Mauri, Twelve, saffron and Terindak Polo Club... so far been good... only Polo my god too much food!!! I am still bloated till now heheheeh...
Today i was involved in the Medical board meeting... always not easy.... to declare the unfitness of a person as this involve life decision making.... but we always make decision based on our clinical perspective and i hope it is all for the best..... today was awkward one as it involved people that i know..... anyhow... i am just doing my work.... :)
okay.... Raya is approaching by soon.... the feeling is the same as before... i will celebrate it moderately... at my age as long as i celebrate n do visit all uncles/aunts house would be good enough and i am thinking to be away as last yr but this yr i have no idea where to go :)
of note... i happened to check on my phone logbook... wonder why this particular person still contacting me... sorry ur number is blocked. Okay til later ya.... :)

2011-08-08T01:22:00.000+09:30

Hi its fasting month again... now it is almost a week... things had been okay... work same but still same story at times.... :)
anyhow will update soon.... now just cleaning the room and excited heheheh why excited will tell u later :)

2011-08-01T21:21:00.002+09:30

Many asked about me n F... all i could say we are still the same.... no way there would be Y&F... just wont work... :) but we still stay fren and close as ever... and well while i was in KL... i met someone thru FB just a random n since i was in KL i tot yeah lets meet up for coffee or lepak... one thing led to another... this person fell in love with me... maybe it is my mistake i love the attention and kinda have this feeling of liking... but i dont knw and pretty sure it is not love yet and like i be in Brunei... and you be in Msia... i know it is not far but long distance? thus y i never work with F... and like many others... J... D.... why do ppl that i could love n be with all overseas.... sigh..... while the one closer in Brunei never work and they all turn into money drainer (new terms hahahah) or else all became psycho.... never like or love me for me.... maybe except Amal.... ya we are knowing each other now... yes my FB i m in relationship with her... but i think we r more to companionship but we dont knw where this would go... never say never.... :)

What a low class u r

2011-08-01T21:15:00.002+09:30

Bumped into my ex at the hospital... well that the place i work... wat do u expect... i was just civilised... i was with two of my frens... Ziyah and Dr Jus... we all acted normal. Just when i tot it was okay the next days... many chisomo or penyibuk dalam kata Pinoy... called n told me to check on my ex fb... sorry i dont have the fb anymore... i have moved on. Apparently my ex wrote on fb about me... with curses and all... well wat new... like my frens said... no brain... and so poklen style... thats the level.. i was like wow... so diam when jumpa and menyalak like anjing on Fb wats the point... only brave on FB.. well what pissed me off was some ppl that i dont have any business with... menyampuk and even one person said to be aware as i am capable to do things to ppl... WTF! hahaha funny that i never do anything and ppl think like that... walao i am that powerful and influential hahahaha.... my frens did read n all just laughed at the stupidity while they see me have moved on and nothing. Just ignore.... wat just cuz i mixed n lepak with ppl with brain and look and money and IT ppl... takut ah... when i saw you i was like... why diam... and where all the threatening u made to me before... one of my frens kept and copied the slandering on FB as bukti n if they dont stop... well.... they will see haha

2011-07-18T13:36:00.002+09:30

Oh ya i did have a look at CT performance at APM... my god... i knw i never like her but like her song was crap... seriously old fashion n yucky... sorry ppl.... n well i wonder how some ppl perceived it as brilliant... must b deaf n blind or that was just their capacities in seeing and listening to music... crap...

2011-07-18T13:34:00.001+09:30

Today is my first day back to work.... after like 20 days of leave... and i was supposed to be at workshop and i have to decline it as i feel i need to be at ripas... as no one there... anyhow.... it is my choice hehehe....
Oh ya... fasting month is coming... and well nothing much really.... weekend was great... many bday celebration and parties.... :)

2011-07-17T17:10:00.002+09:30

Ppl do ask me on FB... do i choose my frens... after what happened... i m sorry i have to say YES... i have to. But it doesnt mean that you have to be 'IT' as all u have to be is sincere n honest. Ppl been asking and some were like.. oh god.. i am not up to ur standard... seeing whom u always lepak with... i m sorry if i happened to be in a group of ppl with class... with brain and money and even look... its all not abt status ppl... it is just that these ppl are just nice and no drama... comparing to some ppl whom had nothing but thinking all that and phewwww... apa pun tarak.... and only see me as S ELEVEN... just like when some commented on my Diner club and Elite Club... yes... consisted of us medical ppl... Dr Jus, Dr Mus, Dr Haiza, Dr Ian and Mr Farhan... they r my dearest frens... n nothing fancy about us... we r just down n happy... why asked... yes sorry when i tot to bring in Q to be in it... sorry Q u r just not 'it' and totally out of place.... and i am sorry i may offend someone in this... the group SOCIALITE on FB... i am sorry to say nothing socialite about it... n thanks to someone... i am out of it... nice one... and well... now ppl asked lately about ppl i mixed with... POKER FACE... heheh we r just us... n just coincidence most of us are with brain n money... all mainly overseas educated and we have our own distinctive careers... n thus making it like 'it' but seriously we r just being us... and that is 'IT'... and some ppl whom like inboxing some ppl that i made fren on FB by saying... wow u fren with Yau HK... be careful... he is bad news... so lame... ppl whom knw me would knw me....
Wow i just realised as well this month many bday... i celebrated my dearest Cuz Lin bday yesterday... and we had Jau and Bazi as well... and many more... i know i been socializing and busy lately but it was all fun n good.. I was in KL last week and it was a blast!

At times i am tired...

2011-07-17T17:07:00.003+09:30

hi... when i write this here... i do hope i dont offend anyone but it was just a tot i had in mind. I am always the provider in everything... Just a wonder... why ppl would depend on me for everything... like driving for instance... to be picked up etc... n like without me... wont be able to make it to a gathering etc.... at times...it really did make me really tired.... i mean for once or certain time.. i wish ppl would do that for me too... i m sorry to say this... but i know my meaning of my name is 'convenient' but i do feel tired being convenient to others...

2011-07-17T17:03:00.002+09:30

Some ppl asked me why i started to blog again... i said as i think this is the best way to express myself... as i dont knw at times whom else i can trust n talk to. I mean i do have friends for that matter but they are not in Brunei. I am not saying i dont have anyone in Brunei but just that for that purpose i prefer my overseas friends. Anyhow.. with the recent incident where i was accused.. i wanna put a stop to that... yes i know who did it but i think for the best interest of all... i think it is better to leave it that way... just that the person did not even think of the impact and repercussion it would cause me n ppl surround me. I knw You did it out of love but for me it was just like no brain. Anyhow i wont say much about it. I just hope it will go away.

2011-07-07T02:21:00.002+09:30

I know it has been a long time since i updated in here. Many things happened...i even went to many trips... Bali, Kl, Brisbane etc... and yes i was in relationship as well that only lasted 6 months... and it was a turbulent relationship from the start... i was just giving it a chance but no use if it was only me wanted it work and made it work. It went to drain. Well... last relationship i had with J was like almost 2 yrs and this only like 6 months i know i could survived this although i still feel hurt. Hurt that i was blind in this relationship... should have listened to others... and well... i was in denial mainly but i am over it now. I opened my eyes and i have moved on. I am not saying i jumped straight to a next relationship. No i m resting but yes i have one whom loved and cared much about me but i need the time. Wait and hold on ya... and yes my relationship ended with a bomb. I was accused of doing something and i did not do it. I was not stupid enough to do that. let me keep it in my mind. I dont knw how much i deny it.. it seemed that i was the doer.... but never mind. My way of fighting it is silence... but DIAM KU BUKAN TAkUT.... and i will just bear all the bad things my x-partner said to me... never mind.... for me it was just a dog barking to the hill... i will stay strong.... and pity it caused my friendship to certain people....
Anyhow... lets stop that.... i learnt my lesson....
One thing i wanna say... i posted a pic of someone wanted to borrow money from me.. Eversince i am back in Brunei i met many people like that and i knw some still owe me money... wont say the name... the recent one why i posted the pic... as long as i can remember when i know this person... not even a friend... an acquaintance only... met at party and needed help related to work. I helped n eversince all the person asked were favours... tis and tat... but like lepak... happy time... no.... of course i was like disgusted... borrow money.... just like before... i went to a gathering with my uncle... and then few days later got call from uncle's fren whom like oh can use ur name to buy car... and some approached to borrow money also... so i am like... wat the hell... u have your own circle of frens and i m just new and not even a 'fren' in a real sense why came to me... they see me as S ELEVEN ($)... fuck off la....
and well i wont say about this... but i feel someone has changed... i am yet to see... whether my instinct is right or not... but if it is true, seriously i wanna knw why.... as all i know i help this person A LOT.... well...typical thing here in Brunei...u fren ppl.... nice to them... at the end of the day... i m the bad one....
Okay i will try to update more in here... although maybe life has not been treating me well... but overall i also see lights... i see true ppl.... and i m blessed!

2010-12-06T22:07:00.002+10:30

This is a song that i want to dedicate to a person that have been so nice to me. Surely you are an angel and surely you are the gem in my life.... Thanks for being there for me... the song is for you... although may not be applicable in the whole sense but you get what i am trying to say. I like you for proving it with actions and not with words... as i don't like promises. You never promise me anything but surely you did deliver!! Love you for that...

"Ketika sepi datang
Melanda hatiku
Ketika kosong
Datang hinggap di kalbu

Engkau selalu hadir
Engkau selalu datang
Engkau paling mengerti
Apa yang ku mau

Jangan kau dengarkan
Kata mereka yang selalu ingin memisahkan kita
Kobarkan asmara jauh didalam dada

Kalau kau bulan
Kamu jadi bintangnya
Bila kau jadi bunga
Kamu jadi kumbangnya
Kalau kau bulan
Kamu jadi bintangnya
Bila kau jadi bunga
Aku jadi kumbangnya

Honey ku tersayang, honey ku tercinta
Hati dilanda rindu tanpa kehadiranmu
Oh honey ku tersayang, honey ku tercinta
Temani diriku sampai akhir nanti

Akhirnya ku temukan ya yang ku cari
Sepanjang hidupku ya yang ku cari

Oh honey ku tersayang, honey ku tercinta
Oh temani diriku sampai nanti
Honey ku tersayang, honey ku tercinta
Temani diriku sampai sampai akhir nanti"

SELALU SALAH

2010-12-06T21:44:00.000+10:30

Dulu memang kita saling bersama
Ku mengira tulus dalam kata
Tapi kini kamu memang berbeda
Ku terluka untuk selamanya
Caramu yang membuat diriku jauh
Kecewa di dalam hatiku

Ku tak mengerti cinta
Indahnya hanya di awal ku rasa
Mengapa kau benar
Dan aku selalu salah
Kini memang kita saling berpisah
Ku merasa sesal dalam kata
Tapi kini kamu memang bersalah
Kau berubah untuk selamanya
Sifatmu yang membuat diriku jenuh
Mendua di balik mataku

Ku tak mengerti dia
Cinta ini bukan hanya kau yang rasa
Ternyata dia bukanlah pujaan dalam hatiku
Ku tak mengerti cinta…

PURA PURA

2010-12-06T21:43:00.000+10:30

Setiap kali ku berfikir
setiap kali ku mengerti
jalan ini tak semestinya ku tempuh
dalam hidupku
seandainya aku mau
seharusnya aku bisa
tinggalkanmu yang slama ini ku cinta
dalam hatiku
maafkanlah aku
yang tak mampu lagi berpura-pura
untuk tak cintai kamu
slama ini di depannya
ku tak sanggup lagi
terus kau suruh untuk slalu mengalah
lebih baik aku pergi
dari cinta yg tak pernah ..
untukku...

Sheila Marcia – Malaikat Kecilku

2010-12-01T02:58:00.000+10:30

"Separuh jiwaku telah jadi satu
Tak sabar ku menunggu
Datangnya sang waktu
Tuk membuat secara baru
Hari terus berlalu
Menanti ku terharu
Tuk melukiskan cerita baru

Satu nafasku kian jadi satu
Bahagia yang ku tunggu
Peluk erat dirimu
Berbisik ayat-ayat rindu
I just want to say i love you
I need you and i miss you
Kau memang malaikat kecilku

Separuh jiwaku telah jadi satu
Tak sabar ku menunggu
Datangnya sang waktu
Tuk membuat secara baru
Hari terus berlalu
Menanti ku terharu
Tuk melukiskan cerita baru

Bahagia yang ku tunggu
Peluk erat dirimu
Berbisik ayat-ayat rindu
I just want to say i love you
I need you and i miss you
Kau memang malaikat kecilku"

GEMINI MAN

2010-10-24T20:53:00.001+10:30

Gemini men take great pride in their ability for communicate ideas and to hold to their own in an intelligent discussion. If you’re not able to keep up with them, then you’ll win a few Brownie points with them. Gemini men can get bored easily if you can’t hold their attention or maintain an interesting level of communication with them.
Being a Gemini bloke, you probably a little edgy, ready and raring to go. You can’t handle hanging around for things to happen; you’re a go-getter and therefore always on the move, ready for the next exciting adventure. You’re a livewire.
You’re a chameleon by nature and adapt yourself easily to any situation in which you find yourself. You can’t handle being tied down; but if that’s your choice, you’ll find no problem with it. It others impose their schedules or timetables on you, however, you feel trapped and unable to be the master of your own destiny.
Geminis often exhibit independent and free style of personality traits. Money (and the lifestyle that it can buy) is very important to you as well. You’d do anything to achieve respect and honour in your chosen field but you must be careful to work consistently and maintain focus on one thing sufficiently long enough to achieve the results.
If you’re finding it hard to commit to one path, you’ll need to get the boredom factor under control and look for variety within one chosen field of activity. Sport as well is a great way of helping you to focus. You’re never fearful of trying something unusual, learning new skills and meeting different people. Your enthusiasm gives you a buzz and also enlightens those with whom you come into contact. Few Gemini ‘retire’; rather let’s just say they ‘rewire’! You’ll continue to be a lover of knowledge and a student of life into old age.
Emotionally, you’re a little detached and this is difficult for your partner to understand. You’re restless and fidgety when it comes to committing yourself to someone because you love your independence so much. Your emotional responsibility is something you may need to work on a little more.

GEMINI

2010-10-24T20:51:00.000+10:30

I was reading a book about Gemini. It is the zodiac for those are born between 22 May and 21 June. It is a book by Dadhichi, a famous TV astrologer. Not to believe all of it but it was fun reading it. I will not elaborate on all but just few points which I think worth to mention here.

There are 3 classes of Gemini:
- Those born between 22 May and 1 June are solely focused on intellectual and communicative pursuits. Education, reading and any type of learning to further your intellectual satisfaction is ideal. Mercury is powerful for you and gives you el primo mental reflexes.
- Born between 2 and 12 June, Venus will have considerable influence over you making you very sensual and emotional in temperament. Unlike other Geminis, your feelings will get the better if you at times. Emotions are an important part of your life.
- If you are born between 13 and 21 June, you have a bit of wild side to you. The sign of Aquarius co-rules you and this means you’re harmlessly mad. You’re fun person who loves to walk on the wilder side of life, experiencing things that others rarely dare to attempt. This will make your life an exciting journey.

My comment: I think I am the mixed of the three above. Is that making me super Gemini?! Hehehe....

TAKKAN PISAH

2010-10-24T14:16:00.003+10:30

This song, first i heard it couple of months ago.. at first i thought it was too malay or too 'kampungan' but the more i listen to it... it grew on me and i really like the song and the melody... kinda sad at times as it really touches me... and well i know so far, in this domain... i never have any good luck... won't give up hahaha... like the song... i am listening to it now even :)

Lagu Eren – Takkan Pisah

"sayang aku ingin berbicara kepadamu
tentang apa yang tengah aku rasakan
ada apa, ada apa katakanlah semuanya
ku kan dengarkan duhai cintaku

bila nanti orang tuamu meridhoi dengan
apa yang ku rasakan padamu
semua orang tua ingin yang terbaik untuk anaknya
begitu pun orang tuaku

kau takkan tinggalkanku
takkan pernah, sayangku
janjimu janjiku untukmu

takkan ada yang pisahkan kita
sekali pun kau telah tiada
akan ku pastikan
ku kan memeluk menciummu di surga

jangan kau pergi tinggalkan aku
bawa aku ke mana kau mau
janji ku padamu
jiwa dan ragaku mati pun ku mau"

2010-10-24T14:09:00.002+10:30

It is sunday today. I just woke up about an hour ago and it is almost midday now. Well... i missed the invitation for the MUKIM SIHAT this morning... somewhere in Jerudong. Well, it is sunday and i needed my sleep. The invitation stated 6.20am hahaha... even last night i was 'good luck in waking up Yus!'. I did want to go as it has been some time i attend MOH events... i should start attending one soon. :)
Well... not much plan for the day... just lazying around. I intend to finish my reading today... i bought some books during my last trip and will finish them. Then maybe if i have the mood... do more research on Dementia... and well... definitely i m off to do my hiking today at Shahbandar... well... i don't think much of someone today... i wonder is that a good sign... as i need to clarify my feeling and well... i thought of someone else... ermmm... anyhow... i just hope i be okay no matter what.
Oh ya...i am supposed to have coffee later with Hanif... it has been ages since i last saw him. Catching up etc. My god... we are so busy with our own life... and well now... i guess i better check what can i have for lunch! :)

2010-10-24T01:11:00.004+10:30

I am not sure whether i am angry or not... but for u... this is how i feel with what had happened today! well not entirely but roughly la...

"
Dulu Kau pernah bilang,
kita selalu berdua
Dulu kau pernah bilang,
kita tak akan terpisah...
Dulu kau ucap janji
Cinta harus berbagi....
Dulu Kau ucap janji,
kita sehidup semati....
Kini semua berakhir,
Kau pergi dan takkan kembali...
mengapakah ini terjadi...
disaat ku cinta padamu....
Kini Cintaku mati...
Terkubur didalam hati
Tak akan ada yang lain...
Sampai nanti ku mengundur diri..."

Well just a song... but ya... :)

2010-10-23T02:47:00.002+10:30

I just want to mention that for Danny's birthday... we went to Miri to celebrate. Well.. Three of us.. Danny, Azim and myself... for info.. we are all cousins... so it was like a family trip... it was fun for once just us... see our pics... we like it so much hehe....

2010-10-23T02:39:00.003+10:30

This just came across my mind.. just say you are on FB or MSN... why is that certain people never approach you first unless you approach them. For me, it simply telling you that you are more into that person that the other one ya.. right? i mean i am not talking random people but say your friends. It made me think at times... why do we have to be the first to say hi... if we don't, they wont say hi to you. It can be give and take but when i realized it has always been me saying hi or hello first... it made me wonder at times... why cant they made the first move at times... i do get tired you know... and like asking ppl for coffee or hang out... if i don't... no... i mean not all... I got Danny asking me coffee all the times... i got Farhan... i got Justina... etc these what i call as friendship... as it is both sides. So i want to tell myself... for some people as i am tired being the one keeping asking or inviting so i will stop now... for once... people it is nice to be asked out... coffee etc... not just one sided... so i am just sticking to people that do vice versa... that is what i call friendship :) .... So you out there... if u think i don't keep in touch... think again... as i think i normally do keep in touch just that the touch is getting tired as only one sided...

2010-10-23T02:21:00.002+10:30

I know at times i realized that maybe i am not made for relationship... all gone down the drain... i know god made us someone but i haven't found that someone yet. I am not looking but i know at times i am searching. Incoherent it may sound. Anyhow... this is how i feel lately... i feel my relationship is so not balanced. This is how i felt... about my love...

"CINTAKU
Dingin dalam hati mengingat dirimu kasih
Tertutup lembar cerita cinta
Jgn biarkan aku menanggis sendiri...
Menyendiri tanpa kau disini
Cintaku kuingin sepertimu
Tak merindu walaupun jauh dariku
Cintaku maaf aku tak tahan..
Menghadapi dinginnya hatimu
Sampai kini kasih tak ada dapat kucari
Walaupun begini aku tetap cinta engkau...."

2010-10-09T04:17:00.003+10:30

I knw i have lots of nice moments during my trip... but i surely miss these people... they were wonderful and it was memorable cuz of them!

2010-10-09T04:10:00.001+10:30

Was showing some trip pictures just now... sis was impressed. Ermm... mum no comment only asking about the henna tatoo i had on my arm... it was henna... henna... if it is for real... you would reckon i would show it? 'sigh' .... Wat wrong wit that... even in Brunei we have henna... in carnival etc... wedding people do henna... wat's the big deal..... exact question 'is it still visible'... wat if it is... after all it was not permanent tatoo... and ya aura was all negative!

2010-10-08T11:55:00.002+10:30

I am just wondering to what extend can you be control. I know it is not nice to talk about this. But at times,i am just so fed up to be asked little things and seems like you cant have your freedom at all. Being criticized for anything, the way you dress etc. And like can your parents understand your routine etc. I know it is not good to talk ill of your parents, i am aware of that. But like you are an adult,leave some room for trust and freedom. To be constantly getting text messages when you are out 'jalan-jalan' like 'dont be home late mum said'... once or twice maybe okay but all the times! Cut me some slacks! like last night for certain times, i went out at about 7pm just to grab dinner and coffee with my mates... text msg... 'dont be home late'... this is like many times! Wat the %^&*!! and like today, i am up early, went down to have breakfast, was asked "you r up early, where are you going"... i m just down to get coffee... and like what you need to knw! Do i have to report all?!! Like most time... i be in my sport attire, i be asked 'where you off to?' i am like 'u need to ask... sport... meaning hiking.. i been doing it like for many years.. cant u just understand it without asking'... its pathetic... at the age of over 30 yrs, at times i do have to like 'sneak' if i go out as to avoid questions... u know us... at times just out to get dvds etc n to be asked the whole time where to... its just too much and ya... and ya... well there is more but i dont knw... like what i said..to what extend we can be control.. and well being parents... even about money they would interfere and well... mine at times... even interfere my work... sigh!

BETWEEN LOVE AND GOODBYE

2010-07-18T03:34:00.001+09:30

"When you weren't around I was Okay
I use to have time for my friends all day

When you weren't around I was alright
I need sometime alone tonight

So what will you do
If I leave you here alone

How will you feel
if I won't be coming home

Cause I got myself to save
so I might be gone If you call on me tonight

Between love and goodbye
i wont be leaving in the middle this time
Between love and goodbye
i've got a heart of gold you will never find

When you weren't around I was myself
I never had to think of anyone else

When you weren't around I always need
just where my life was going to

So i can create
what we havent seen

But i cant escape
leaving in a dream

And my fear is at its height
so i might fall far like the stars in heaven tonight

Between love and goodbye
i wont be leaving in the middle this time
Between love and goodbye
i've got a heart of gold you will never find

the thought of loosing you tonight
makes me want to stay and fight
but i cant touch what you believe
should i leeeeeeeeeaaaave

between love and goodbye
i wont be leaving in the middle this time
between love and goodbye
i've got a heart of gold you will never find"

AKU TAK MAU SENDIRI.. by BCL

2010-05-14T03:31:00.001+09:30

"Sejak ia pergi dari hidupku
Kumerasa sepi
Kau tinggalkan ku sendiri disini
Tanpa satu yang pasti

Aku tak tahu harus bagaimana
Aku merasa tiada berkawan
Selain dirimu
Selain cintamu

Chorus:
Kirim aku malaikatmu
Biar jadi kawan hidupku
Dan tunjukkan jalan yang memang
Kau berikan untukku
Kirim aku malaikatmu
Karena ku sepi berada disini
Dan didunia ini aku tak mau sendiri

Tanpa terasa kuteteskan air mata
Yang tiada berhenti mengiringi
Kisah dihati

Aku tak tahu harus bagaimana
Aku merasa tiada berkawan
Selain dirimu
Selain cintamu

Dan didunia ini aku tak mau sendiri"

2010-05-14T02:57:00.002+09:30

Have u ever feel that despite you have so many friends but at times.. u just have urself and lonely and the ppl that u want to be wit you are not wit you or like the ppl that you expect to be frens would be the one whom made u feel lonely... and like u always there for them.. but when u need them.... they r not there and the least ppl that you expect to be there for u... there for u.... and like it made u think... wow... laugh n fun many ppl and once u r down, then u knw who r your real friends are.... for me... i knw all these times, i always think family are your best fren... blood always thicker than water.. but i do knw at times we are also blessed wit friends... and i knw i am... just that... i cant trust some frens thats all... i am always skeptical that some r just there for convenient... and at times, must say i have selfish fren... whom just want to get their ways thru you... like after a while... not even "How are you" and just simply ask this and that for their benefits... some ppl are just fren for fun... i mean i m not complaining.. i have observed that its hard to find genuine one... i had few occasions when i was really down.. i felt i had no frens at all... but one thing i always observed.. ppl that i least expect.. wont lend me their shoulders n be there.... funny how world works ya.... i remember one day... i have close frens here... but like they will be last to be there for me and to knw wat happend to me... instead frens whom are not here in brunei... comforted me... Love u C for that... and like always... D will be online n always a pillar to me.. by wanting to kick my ass to make me realise my doings! hahah... and chat with Kieu and Divya always lovely... and well... firdaus and Haiza... hehe .. of course! hehe... these are frens ppl.... and i do knw... i always can revert to God... always... nah just like just now... i feel lonely again... mayb GAD hahah n msg ppl but like ermm... late reply one thing n well... really others no respond... i tot coffee or so.. i mean i would text haiza but not suitable hahah but guess wat... fir called in to chat... i was like wow... like he knws i needed a fren to talk to hahah... called in all the way from down under... ermm nice... thats a fren... n once i m online... D texted... wow... unlike some ppl online... until i say hi dont expect them to approach u first unless they needed to ask something! wat the... anyhow.. til later... well i may forget to mention some ppl... just the moment.. i mean i have dear fren in Meela.. Haslin also hehehe... mayb next time i will talk abt other ppl.. ehehehehe

!

2010-05-14T02:37:00.003+09:30

Just wanna let things out here.... well not much... i think maybe it had been busy and stressful at times.. anyhow... just few things:
1. I wonder until wat limit we can do with patients? Just like today was in the ward, bumped into Dr Munir and he looked tired and at times frustrated... and i said hi.. and wats up... he stated that at times feel frustrated with chronic cases that demanding n unreasonable expectation etc... i knw this is our job and we had to take it... i did say... do time-out as at times we need to look after ourself too... like me... thus y after work i need time on my own... i will do my exercise on my own... as i need it... and i did tell him as well... i had client whom complaint and angry wit us just because we moved the our waiting area... the client didnt like it... well... i shouldnt say client (as they r not paying!) like Dr connie said... dont like that word... hehe... patients that the word... at times so highly demanding... and well... maybe i was in such a bad mood.. i couldnt stand it and said my piece of mind to the patient! ye la... my clinic... my right how i decorate n design... aiyo!!
2. Today as well, went to a shop to get an envelope... and no one attending the shop... the keeper went to pray... i mean ya... pray but like business is on as well... like i had to wait... is it wrong to be mad?
3. Yesterday, i had this unknown number on my mobile.. and so i called it back... i said nice "oh... just to tanya, i got ur no on my mobile..." before even i finished wat i wanted to say.. was interrupted by the operator in high pitch and angry tone "MANA DAPAT TU BANYAK KALI D SINI ANE MANA KAMI DAPAT TRACE"... i m like in my head... no hi or intro whereabt the place... so nicely i asked again "i know... but may i just now where is the place"... to be told rudely "ANE KLINIK SENGKURONG, IATAH MANA KAMI DAPAT TU GTAU SAPA TFUN".... so i m like... firmly and sternyly... "Oh atu yang aku mahu tau, di mana saja, i am aware kita nda dpat trace...as aku ne org RIPAS jua and aware of it tfun operator ane... just wanted to knw dari mana... SALAHKAH!!! NDA JUA PAYAH KITA KAN TERIAK-TERIAK AND MARAH MARAH ANE!! and that bit i was kinda yelled and i ended it with F%^&! to the lady... i am like come on cant ppl talk nicely... thats their job as operator... and i am like no wonder Sengkurong clinic had so much complaint!!
4. Another thing, i cant understand why some ppl in health profession, cant understand the meaning of respecting other professions... the meaning of qualified and licensing... just that couple days ago... i got a text frm a fren asking for his colleague whether the colleague can borrow my assessment tools for one of the tests... i am like.. ya i do have the tools but like... the tools is designed and licensed only for clinical psychologist to use.. n not other professionals... like i cant used SLT tools for mine... Audiology machines per say... i mean ya... maybe you read from internet certain tools to be used for assessments but always remember, who can used which... of course i wont let ppl use our psych tools.. otherwise like wat the point of me then... this is ethics and standard of practice... stick to your scope ppl!! i m registered n licensed and so i am strict about this!!

well.. am sorry if complaint too much... but like i said mayb burnt out... and underappreciated... but like i said... i like to pout things out.. i mean no harm... but if terasa... sorry la... i m just saying the fact here...

HERO AND VILLAIN EVENT

2010-05-03T01:56:00.001+09:30

Nike Ardilla

2010-05-02T21:47:00.003+09:30

I must say i am amazed by this singer... apart from ELLA, she is my fav singer of all time... here some info about her. Taken from Wikipedia... Must say... i think she was/is huge!! Still cant understand why ppl find ppl Siti Nurhaliza is great, for me she is nothing... I salute Sheila Majid more than her and well Agnes can beat her anytime and many other great singers!! and well i think Nike Ardilla, even in her death still better for me than her!

Raden Nike Ratnadilla or commonly known as Nike Ardilla (27 December 1975 - 19 March 1995) was a rock singer from Bandung, West Java Indonesia. She died as the result of a car accident in Bandung at the age of 19, while at the height of her popularity and her name remains famous in Indonesia. She was known as "Young Legend". Until now, Nike Ardilla is a musician, singer, movie star, and the most successful models in the history of show biz industry in Indonesia exist.

With 30 million albums sold worldwide and the prestigious honor of being the only artist under the age of 15 who can sold an album over 2 million copies ever in Indonesia. More than any other single artist, Nike Ardilla was the driving force behind the return of teen pop Rock in the late '80s. Nike Ardilla didn't just become a star—she was a bonafide pop phenomenon. Not only did she sell millions of records, she was a media fixture regardless of what she was (or wasn't) doing; among female singers of the era (many of whom followed in her footsteps). From the outset, Nike Ardilla sex appeal was an important part of her image.When Ardilla's debut album of titled Seberkas Sinar was released in mid 1989, it entered the charts at number one and stayed there for ten weeks. Once the ubiquitous lead single died down, the album kept spinning off hits: Number one single "Seberkas Sinar," the Top 10 ballad "Cinta Pertama," and the Top 5 "Tembang Asmara." By the end of 1989. Seberkas Sinar had sold 1 million copies, and went on to sell a good three million more on top of that. Its success touched off a wave of young Lady Rocker that included Anggun C Sasmi, Poppy Mercury, Inka Christie, and Mayang sari. Nike Ardilla was a superstar, drooled over in countless magazines. By the time ...Seberkas Sinar finally started to lose steam on the singles and album charts, Nike Ardilla was ready to release her follow-up. Bintang Kehidupan appeared in the spring of 1990, and the title track was an instant smash, racing into the Top Number One. The album itself entered the charts at number one and sold over 500.000 copies in its first week of release, setting a new record for single-week sales by a female artist. Follow-up singles included "Salut," the gold-selling "Putih." A year after its release, Bintang Kehidupan had sold over two million copies. After that so many album had released such as : Nyalakan Api 1991, Matahariku 1992, Biarlah Aku Mengalah 1993, Tinggalah Aku Sendiri 1994, Biarkan Cintamu Berlalu 1994, Sandiwara Cinta 1995, etc.

Early life

Born Raden Rara Nike Ratnadilla on December 27, 1975, in Bandung, her parents were of Ciamis and Bandung stock and her father’s PJKA career meant the family moved quite a bit during her childhood. They eventually settled in Bandung, West Java, where Ardilla began performing in talent shows at the age of 5, with considerable success. She appeared on Lagu Pilihanku TVRI in 1980 (she became the 1st Champion) and in 1986 joined the cast of the film Kasmaran, which also included Ida Iasha, and Slamet Rahardjo. Ardilla played Ida Iasha's daughter.

In 1988 Ardilla starred in the movie Kabayan Saba Kota, when she recorded the single for the movie soundtrack and also appeared in the movie as a singer. Ardilla was asked to make a cameo appearance by Harry Roesly. Before the film she was on a compilation album in 1987 titled Bandung Rock Power with Nicky Astria, Mel Shandy, etc. Ardilla won Best Model Catwalk in 1988 in the "LA model Contest" in Bandung.

Music career

Deny Sabry helped her to sign a record deal with ARISTA Records. Her debut album titled Seberkas Sinar was released in the summer of 1989, and with teen-oriented pop-rock all the rage, the lead single “Seberkas Sinar” shot to the top of the charts for 10 weeks; the album also hit number one on its way to sales of over 500,000 copies in Indonesia alone.

The follow-up, “Bintang Kehidupan,” was the first number one album of the year in 1990 and Ardilla consolidated her near-instant stardom by performing at the Istana Merdeka appearing with Vina Panduwinata in the Independence Day Party and the concert in Lapangan Merdeka Malaysia, and winning a BASF Award for Best New Artist, and Best Selling Album in 1990 with sales over 2 million in Indonesia alone beating Anggun, Nicky Astria, and Iwan Fals. Further greater album sales followed when “Nyalakan Api“ won the BASF Award for best selling album in 1991 with sales over 2 million and her 4th album, “Matahariku.” In 1992 was failed to the chart, seeking a place in that year’s Film boom. Ardilla's Grandfather was an early movie star in Indonesia in 1940 called Loetung Kasarung, co-star in Ricky Nakalnya Anak Muda 1990 duet with Ryan HIdayat made this movie booming around Indonesia and became a box office hit. In the spring of 1991, Ardilla was featured — along with Dessy Ratnasari on ” Olga Sepatu Roda “, and with Ryan Hidayat : Lupus V “, and also on drama romantic movie ” cinta Anak Muda “.Ardilla was by now a fixture at music industry awards shows; as she enjoyed her celebrity,Ardila received Awards Gadis Sampul 1990 automatically it is made Ardilla as a Singer, Actrees,and also Model in the same time. When she famous goes like rocket her next studio album in fall 1993. Biarlah Aku Mengalah, which appeared in October on Music Plus, was quickly criticized for its adult yet confident approach.,and sales ran into 1.3 million copies alone in Indonesia and 3 million south east Asia, it’s mean she accepted award for best selling album at BASF Award 1993. Meanwhile she wait for next album Ardilla released best of the best Nike Ardilla with the smash-hits single Tinggal lah aku Sendiri, Ardilla Move from Billboar Record ( now EMI ) to Musica Studio’s. For the 1994 Biarkan Cintamu Berlalu, which debuted at number one on the top-chart. The album sales 1.7 million copies alone in Indonesia and made her accepted award best selling album HDX award 1994 the album was dominated music industry period 1994, the last album Sandiwara Cinta released on 1 March 1995, the single first airing on radion in late February the first version of sandiwara cinta video began airing on TV in late February 1995 she also made second version of this video ten days before she pass away directed by rizal mantovany the shooting video was unfinished because nike should be finished this video in 21 March but she died at car acciden in 19 March. 40 days after death of nike the second video version was released, it become huge succes the video featured nike in very like Marilyn Monroe her idol and this album made a history sales over 5 million alone in Indonesia and 10 million copies in South Pasific and accepted HDX award best selling album of the years, best single Deru Debu, Best Video Klip MTV Indonesia. Nike Ardilla died in March 19, 1995 by car accident. Even she died but until now her name still famous in Indonesia she become Indonesian music legend, because her popularity was soared even she died

Death

Nike died in a car accident in Bandung on Sunday morning, March 1995, at approximately 05.30 am local time.

On the day before the accident, she met with some friends from ANEKA-YES, a popular teenage magazine, at 23.30 pm in Jayakarta Hotel Bandung to discuss the agenda for the election of cover girl and cover boy which would be held on the next day since she would become the guest star in the particular event. After the meeting she and her manager, Sofiatun, came to a night club called Pollo Club in Jl. Asia Africa at 00.30 am local time to meet with other friends. At 03.30 am, they left Pollo Club and later come to Kintamani restaurant, at 04.30 am she left the restaurant and then accompanied her friend to a hotel. She and Sofiatun left the hotel at 05.15 am to head home. She was the one behind the wheel however her car, Honda Genio D27K, was felt unstable at times. After overtaken a red car in front of her, Nike lost control and hit the fence of the wall in JL. Remartadinata Bandung. Nike dies instantly due to the serious head trauma. There were issues circulated that she was drunk or had been taking drugs at that time, but these false accusations were later denied by her family.

Thousands of fans, friends along with family came to her funeral in Bandung. Nike is buried in Ciamis, West Java on the same day whilst family, friends, fans and reporters from various televisions, radio and magazines sources gathered and mourned her death. It was reported that flow of devoted fans still come into her house until a month after her death.
[edit] Pop culture

Even she died but until now her name still famous in Indonesia she become Indonesian music legend, because her popularity was soared even she died. every year her million fans who had joined in NIKE ARDILLA FANSCLUB commemorate her death by visiting the grave and the nike ardilla museum. The lot of Indonesian media called her as "THE LEGENDARY ROCKQUEEN" or the legend of slowrock music, her fanclubs still exist since 1990, The publication of the Nike Ardilla stamp by two Russian states Abkasia and Tauva in 1996 (the stamp of the world artist among them Michael Jackson, Madonna, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley) and The appreciation from PT.POS Indonesia with the publication of the postcard and the commemorative envelope a Nike Ardilla death year in the exhibition of youth philately a world in 1996. The sale of the "Sandiwara Cinta" Album in 1995 penetrated the figure 3 million copies 900,000 copies in only 3 months. That was very fantastic for a solo singer in Indonesia. She also released album "MAMA AKU INGIN PULANG" in 1995, two months after her death which huge success despite there is only one new single, Nike recorded this song in 1993 but the song never appears in her previous album where Nike released when she still alive, in 1996 Nike released "SUARA HATI" in fact this album would be released in 1994, but Nike too busy that year where has released two albums "BIARKAN CINTAMU BERLALU" and "DURI TERLINDUNG"(for Malaysian market only) and "suara hati" album receive multiplatinum and has sold over 1 million. She also released more singles after she died like "CINTA DIANTARA KITA"(1996) a remake from her previous song "selamat jalan duka", "panggung sandiwara", copies PT. Telkomsel published the Telepon Card illustrated Nike Ardilla 2000. In 2009 musicas studios released Nike Ardilla ringbacktone album for ringbacktone sale.

HERO AND VILLAIN

2010-05-02T15:51:00.003+09:30

Last night i went to a HERO AND VILLAIN event... well i came as THE JOKER... any resemblance? hahah... well, not quite... but i reckon it was a good effort ya!! :)

MAHA MELIHAT - OPICK (FEATURING AMANDA)

2010-02-21T05:23:00.001+10:30

"Seiring waktu berlalu
tangis tawa di nafasku
hitam putih di hidupku
jalani takdirku

tiada satu tersembunyi
tiada satu yang terlupa
segala apa yang terjadi
Engkaulah saksinya

reff:
Kau yang Maha Melihat
Kau yang Maha Melihat
Kau yang Maha Pemaaf
PadaMu hati bertobat

Kau yang Maha Pengasih
Kau yang Maha Penyayang
Kau yang Maha Pelindung
PadaMu semua bertekun

yang dicinta ’kan pergi
yang didamba ’kan hilang
hidup kan terus berjalan
meski penuh dengan tangisan

andai bisa ku mengulang
waktu hilang dan terbuang
andai bisa ku kembali
hapus semua pedih

andai mungkin aku bisa
kembali ulang segalanya
tapi hidup takkan bisa
meski dengan air mata"

HARAMKAH?

2010-01-26T02:32:00.004+10:30

Well.. i am not talking about "hukum" here...... this is the song from KETIKA CINTA BERTASBIH 2... i must say a good movie... when i first watched the 1st installation i couldn't wait for the 2nd one... and well i found it today... well worth it! A very good movie... It is better than AYAT AYAT CINTA... for me la... but still both are great movie that people should watch!
here is a song by Melly... like always love Melly's song!!

"Haram haramkah aku
Bila hatiku jatuh cinta
Tuhan pegangi hatiku
Biar aku tak jadi melanggar

Aku cinta pada dirinya
Cinta pada pandangan pertama
Sifat manusia ada padaku
Aku bukan Tuhan

[1]
Haram haramkah aku
Bila aku terus menantinya
Biar waktu berakhir
Bumi dan langit berantakan

[2]
Aku tetap ingin dirimu
Tak mungkin hatiku berdusta
Hanya Tuhan yang bisa jadikan
Yang tak mungkin menjadi mungkin

[3]
Aku hanya ingin cinta yang halal
Dimata dunia juga akhirat
Biar aku sepi aku hampa aku basi
Tuhan sayang aku

[4]
Aku hanya ingin cinta yang halal
Ingin dia tentu atas izinnya
Ketika cinta bertasbih
Tuhan beri aku cinta ku menanti cinta"

AMAZING

2010-01-22T01:54:00.003+10:30

Hey ppl..
as earlier i was saying that Brunei in fact is capable to produce artists of their own. As i was saying that now most of us listening to our own local artists and starting to support them. Anyhow last year i knw of this artist name Hill.. from Pelangi while i was driving while he was chosen as artist of the month for Pelangi. That he recorded a song with Samantha Mumba! i was wow... but never been able to find the song. Anyhow.. a fren recently gave me a link to his video clip... wow... i thought it was good!! come on a duet with Samantha Mumba and the clip well is brilliant and good quality. And what even amazing is that Mariah Carey had a cameo appearance in it! Well done!! Here is the link.. check it out!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxVqLKaEA0M)... i bet many ppl know... i m just slow! hehehe i m free now as resting so i was youtubing!
I urge u to check it out! And well... really... not even a top artist in Malaysia can get Mariah Carey to appear in their video clip!! hehehehe...

2010-01-21T22:55:00.000+10:30

Hi ppl,
I feel much better today and my mood appeared better as well.. i need to chill and calm... i guess it is right that i need rest, my mind n my body need it... i know i been pushing myself too much... anyhow... nothing much just at home, resting and watched the dvd that i bought before but never had the chance to watch them... ya i need it... and i decided to off my mobile even it is on... i wont entertain... i mean if it is work related...
anyhow... at the moment i been listening to local songs... must say not bad! Way to go Brunei... although sound like indonesian songs at times but great!... til later!

PSYCHOLOGIST VS COUNSELOR

2010-01-21T04:04:00.000+10:30

I just want to bring to attention here... about the title.. psychologist and counselor... i must say they are two distinct professions... psychologist are not counselor... i remember dr nadine frm my uni in oz... saying it is wrong to say that... as psychologist higher than counselor...yes psych do counsel... with therapy and treatment... call as therapist not counselor... and well when i said to ppl... i m a psychologist... ppl would be like oh kaunseling... i be like... if i can smack you i would! how degrading is that! anyhow... why i said this here is... i got applicant... whom i never know or at least have the courtesy to meet me and talk... and yet i am asked for recommendation... how can i recommend when i dont even knw the person... someone with no psych background and wanna join my unit... got master in counseling... and ppl just tot ya counseling... can buleh tu... how narrowminded... no psyc n wanna join.. Clinical Psych... WT... HR also called me and lucky HR shared my opinion... bukan apa i was told... kena attend urgently to this application (i never got any letter lang) ada org saja frwd CV thru email... (official ke tu, nda surat how to balas or reply hehehe so i didnt reply la) anyhow.. ya.. apparently family contacted Pehin la to ask so since that.. matter urgently to look into... i mean if qualified lain la... ane ermm... like i am a clinical psychologist i dont work at Physiotherapy dept... kan... anyhow..... i dont work at dental clinic... kan kan... heheh so i sound bitter here... just at times.. i am just frustrated as ppl dont knw... like i m not a psychiatrist... despite maybe ada persamaan tapi not... so likewise counselor is not psychologist... as simple as that... wat frustrated me as well... among us therapist... they also dont knw... tell you wat yg frwd me email was someone senior, a fren and therapist too... and yet that person also think counselor same as psychologist... how frustrating... ppl in our own world and area pun nda tau... let alone lay person out there!

2010-01-21T03:04:00.003+10:30

I been given another 4 day MC... before by Dr Thazin as i was a bit asthmatic... two days rest and then when i tot i was well... i went a bit jogging... it was ok... but i didnt know... came back.., feel feverish, cold n flu... damn... so contact a fren... and given MC for 4 days... and today the whole day i was... like resting... i know i put something on my fb i wasnt thinking straight... well just for me to know... well like i say my blog is where i pour my heart... let me write here... wat happened... today went to RIPAS... to get my med n the cert... i dropped by to frwd to my kerani... but i didnt go up... fYI, my unit do have some disciplinary problem with attendance and all... but i knw we trying our best to perform here... anyhow... like always got ppl called n asked n complaint as no one around.. and well i m on MC... wat to expect... anyhow... i did ask my kerani..ada M ada keja... and she hesitated and after a while said.. "nda" ... i m like why hesitated... if out ke apa... could tell me terus wat... i wasnt satisfied... so i called H... n to be informed... "At bank.." and when i ask where M... H said... "oh ya with Me.."... and H said "Talk to u later... ask Kerani"... I was like... ya i just asked Kerani... and all she said "Nada"... wat the hell... and like... when i msg other satff... "Where"... got replied.. "Oh At computer room"... of course... i am like... the office is small... n yet asked 3 ppl 3 different answers! of course i smelled fish! one 'Nda', one kata "d bank" and one said "computer room"... when i replied back n said...weird... n said i just asked H said H with M at bank... and Kerani said "Nda"... and guess wat... the staff took about 11mins to reply... despite that the computer room is just next room.. to check wont even take 1 minute... i was fed up as no matter how hard i tried to make things better... do this rule.. make attendance...log book.... n still i cant believe ppl dont behave... and then when u tegur sikit ppl sound so offensive... its like dont ppl realise they make mistake... i knw i may not be a good head... but i m trying here... i am new... iatah wheni feel down like tis, i tot i asked opinion ke apa ke... but i dont knw why i dnt get reassurance and any assistance i need... walhal if it happened to others and they ask me i would enlightened them... bukan apa i tot two heads better than one... and like mayb i am not well i wont be thinking straight... but like i dont knw why... ppl keep looking at one flaw... u do many good n one mistake... ppl knw the mistake... i mean like M... i knw M made mistakes..a lot... but from my observation now... M is trying to make thing better... i knw not great but i salute the effort... and like i know many complaints... but most revert to M eventually... i feel sorry at times.. that ppl dont give chance if u made mistake...but i do knw at times... i m too soft.. but today i knw they something fishy... i mean even yesterday... someone told me seeing M's car at home afternoon time office hours... wat wonder me at times... ppl tip me wit tis info... wat the aim...i knw some for good... but always the bad thing saja... at times i knw my staffs dont take me serious.. they dont knw... ppl relay msg to me... even last time.... i was on leave... to the point when they referred patients to our clinic... i will know... i knw they call my clinic... n yet also they will sms me to inform me of the referrals... which was good lang as i keep track... as last time... it was good that i knw... as last time ya... if i didnt ask... no one would inform me abt the patient... and my kerani didnt write the referrals in our referral books despite kena called and my staff did see the patient. hard ya,... you may wonder why ineed to knw... i m the only clinical psych on ripas... so all patients i must knw so i can supervise them and if something not right,... i will be liable and being held responsible... thats why... none is licensed to practice aprt from me.. do i sound arrogant? i hope not but the truth... i knw i been complaining lately... i knw tis is reality... just that i feel i cant be at ease... mc ke leave ke always ada kena tfun... so today i actually off my phone.. i need rest.. am not well.... anyhow... i better get back to sleep now... til later! i hope ppl dont take it wrong... i do blogging to pour my heart out (like a diary) but i mean no harm... its like family... u get angry, argue but doesnt mean u r enemy ya... as you love each other thats why got conflict and all... as we need to adjust n compromise and also learn to knw each other...

2010-01-18T18:56:00.002+10:30

I been given MC for 2 days... i know i am not that sick... just the throat is irritating me... a bit asthmatic and having the puff irritated my throat and causing it to sore... i took precautions but when i see Dr Tazin today... was not expecting any MC just for medications... and well Dr Tazin thought that i need rest as i appeared tired and very stress. I dont know maybe i am... i know i am tired... supervising a student now and supervising my new staffs and all administrative works. *sigh*.... maybe i need this short break... and now at home after resting, i tot lets blog!
Ya... when i checked my schedule last week... it started okay... just normal routine... MHU rounds... sent my staff and the student... and well i reviewed couple of patients in the wards... and well... afternoon... meeting for the service directory. That was monday... and did some reports and clinical notes write up. Tuesday, after allocating duties to all... i spend like from 9 til 11plus having meeting with Wan Hasliena and Sufinah for the career talk... phew... what a waste of my time really! meeting!! F*&^! and for the afternoon, attended briefing at the Health Promotion centre which took whole afternoon, was interesting but i had to leave as i have patient booked at 3.4pm... from HPC rushed back to RIPAS... ermmm....
On wednesday,i booked a couple appointments... as usual reports writing and supervising sessions with staffs and students... while waiting for patients! Patients turned late! Appointment at 9am turned at 10.45! wat the fuck! and the patient for 10am came at the same time and it was problematic. I tot as i needed to go wards i asked my junior to handle and take the case but since they are not experienced enough, i had to take the case... fear of walking! took ages to convince to even get out of the car... wanted me to consult in the car at parking lot!! WTH! came late n very problematic! and the 9am i had to turn down! and come next appointment!! thats for wasting my time! almost 2 hours late! reason... confused whose appointment! wat a reason! despite still managed to see my patients in the wards for review... and as usual afternoon, Stroke Round, mayb i was tired that i didnt listen well... 2 referrals... talking about depression and i wasnt responding when Dr Joseph talked abt it! Funny! well... after that supposed to have meeting for RIPAS gala nyte but i send my staffs... whom i was informed that they need more clear people to get involved as the one i sent seemed blurred! god ppl be more pro-active!!
Thursday... as usual... Rehab Rounds at 8am and then rushed to Obesity Clinic... had few patients... new and review and one was difficult... and took longer... almost an hour (as therapy normally just 45mins to 55mins) hehehe.... and well... afternoon... spent time at Editors Meeting with Dr Julaidi, Dr Haslinda, Dr Mawarni, Dr Alice, Burt and Lena with some administrative ppl... can you realised everyday is meeting!
And well come saturday... went MOH just to knw that meeting actually in afternoon, but i remember very well... when the person called... it was morning... went back to RIPAS and finished up some notes and reports that were pending... and well at 2pm, went MOH again just to know the meeting was canceled and postponed to Monday am... WT! waste of my time ya... back RIPAS n finished whatever needed to be finished... did the service directory editing... and ya got referral as well from ward 4.. was too tired to see, send my junior to see... n briefed b4 that...
And well... Monday first thing was meeting but i felt so tired and my throat was really irritating... so i waited for Mui and gave her all information and i left to go back to RIPAS... and looked for Dr Tazin... i know when i needed help... i m no superman! despite given MC i still managed to review 4 in-patients before heading back home. And when Dr Hjh Mawarni called in the afternoon while i was at home, i decided to ignore as i am on MC... i need my rest ppl! i just sent sms!
I just tot back ya... last week everyday without failed...meeting! and yet i still managed to supervise student and my staffs.... and i still see my out-patients and in-patients... i knw i must prioritize my patients... i dont knw... so ppl do u think i m burning out... to think about it... it is just new year!! and still nothing new about this... still the same! hehehe... k i m off to rest now again!!

First love...

2010-01-18T01:12:00.001+10:30

I came across and thought about this.. about first love.. i reckon some are lucky to just fall in love first time n thats it... nice... well i wont talk about it... i am just wondering i know my first love.. it was SF... but i know it took ages after that... for me to like someone else... til i Met J... in Oz... and i dont knw why lately i tot of J and i m dying inside to contact or email or call J... i know J is my second love... and i knw... I always think of J... well... maybe it is the weather! hehehe ya Yus blame in on the weatherman!

JODOH DITANGAN TUHAN

2010-01-18T01:06:00.003+10:30

A song by Raffi Ahmad And Bella...

"Ku punya dunia
Dunia ku begini
Ku punya mata
Ku punya telinga

Jangan anggap ku batu
Tak punya perasaan
Melihatmu dengannya
Aku panas

Ku punya dunia
Dunia ku begini
Ku punya hati
Punya perasaan

Coba raba batinku
Coba mataku
Melihatmu dengannya
Aku Cemburu

Reff:
Cinta mengapa harus rumit
Biar begini wanita ku nanti satu
Siapa dia biar hatiku yang tahu
Ku pasti setia tapi Nanti

Cinta bisakah jadi mudah
Kau berkelana apa ku harus diam
Biar saja kita jalani masing-masing
Jodoh di tangan Tuhan
Biar saja"

RAINING SEASON...

2010-01-16T02:19:00.002+10:30

I remember last year around this time.. it was raining season and very heavy. Considered to be one of the worst in history where landslides happened here and there, and even death. These couple of days recently, it has been raining again heavily and non-stop... i just hope it wont be as bad as last year.. even now it is still raining. (p.s Pictures taken from www.ranoadidas.com)

ST12 RELIGI

2010-01-16T02:11:00.002+10:30

I got this album long ago around fasting time... when i first came back to Brunei last year, this group was so famous... ST12... nice songs indeed... and well... you know at times, i bought dvds/cds and it just lying around.. same with this ST12 'Religi' album... and recently i was listening to this album and i kinda fall in love with these two songs... entitled 'Memujamu' and 'Anugerah Ilahi' ... very catchy and very poprock!

MEMUJAMU

"Bila ku lihat bintang
semua begitu indah
terbentang di langit
jika ku lihat bulan
sungguh begitu indah
membentang di langit

semua apa yang ku lihat
hanya Tuhan yang bisa
menciptakan semua
Tuhan memberi keindahan
yang terindah
seisi langit dan bumi ciptaanMu Tuhan

reff:
biarkan aku berada di sini
biar ku tahan laju angin
ajarkan aku bersujud padaMu
ajarkan aku untuk hidup
tiada tuhan selain Allah
Allahu Akbar Allah Maha Besar
ijinkan aku bersujud padaMu
ku agungkan kebesaranMu"

ANUGERAH ILAHI

"Saat ku tak berdaya
terlelap dalam cinta
mungkinkah ku bertahan
jalani waktu yang indah
sudahlah memang sudah
kan ku biarkan saja
mungkin ku tak percaya
memberi arti, memberikan cinta
dalam hidup kita, ooo

reff:
bila aku terbang tinggi
dan takkan bisa terjadi
ada yang tak bisa lagi
anugerah sang Illahi
jangan kau tak rela pergi
meninggalkan cinta sejati
aku tetap jaya lagi
anugerah sang Illahi"

Just movie....

2010-01-15T02:24:00.001+10:30

I watched this movie a couple days ago... i tot it was nice.. maybe cliche but it was fun and very good feel movie! Especially watching it alone... and at night... dark... u cant help but your mind drawn and wonder into it!

The plot:

It all started with MSN. Four teenagers making friends online, they yet haven't met, but are bound to come across each other in an unusual circumstance.

Thee(Kanin Bhatia) and Nut(Suppasit Chinwinijkul) are siblings who live in Bangkok while June(Sarocha Tanjararak) and Jane are siblings who live in Phuket. Though living in different part of the country, they know how to connect the world in their hand by chatting on MSN making friends with other people. One day, Nut, who is an online friend of Jane knocks on her door to surprise her, but this causes Thee to misunderstand that his brother might be tricked by a stranger who he met online. Then, Thee heads to Phuket to bring Nut back. While seeking Nut in Phuket, Thee meets June, the girl that he chats on MSN, but their encounter isn't much impressive which brings more problems to their complicated love.

SEBENTUK HATI BUAT KEKASIH - KERISPATIH

2010-01-08T20:43:00.000+10:30

"Bila kau bukanlah cinta sejati
mungkin aku takkan pernah mengerti
hati yg tulus setia yg indah
dan semua yg terjadi antara kita

maaf untuk semua cara yg salah
itu hanya inginku membuktikan
tiada yg lain dalam hidupku
sungguh tak ada maksud tuk menyakitimu

reff: sebentuk hatiku buat kekasihku
mengiring rinduku yg selalu untuknya
memang tak selalu ada yg terbaik
dari diri ini dan juga dirinya
namun ku yakin cinta ini takkan pernah salah"

2010-01-08T20:40:00.000+10:30

Oh ya a couple days ago, i was at the gym while walking around bumped into this lady... whom was smiling, so well i just smiled back and she approached and we talked.. you normal talked as you are in the gym where everyone is friendly with everyone... but like the tone was like she knew me... like from work or so.. i reckon maybe one of the nurses... like how she said havent seen me around... i was like ya busy bla.. bla... and how she was like saying will be away from work for a while... we talked ... knowing me i could simply converse... but i realised after we finished i think both of us realized that we may have approached wrong person... hahahaha... as i had the look "who is she" and she had the same look "who is he" and ya after my classes there... despite we bumped into one another... she didnt talk to me again! and vice versa! ahahaha

PUISI CAHAYA

2010-01-08T20:38:00.001+10:30

"Akhirnya semua akan tiba pada suatu hari yg biasa
pada suatu ketika yg telah lama kita ketahui
apakah kau masih sambut dahulu memintaku minum susu
sambil membenarkan letak leher kemejaku

kabut tipis pun turun pelan-pelan di lembah kasih
lembah bandalawangi
kau dan aku tegak berdiri melihat hutan” yg menjadi suram
meresapi belaian angin yg menjadi dingin

apakah kau masih membelaiku semesra dahulu
ketika kudepak, kau dekaplah lebih mesra
lebih dekat

apakau kau masih akan berkata
kudengar dekap jantungmu
kita begitu berbeda dalam semua
kecuali dalam cinta

cahaya bulan menusukku dengan ribuan pertanyaan
yg takkan pernah aku tahu dimana jawaban itu
bagai letusan berapi bangunkan dari mimpi
sudah waktunya berdiri mencari jawaban kegelisahan hati"

Between Love and Good Bye

2010-01-05T20:49:00.000+10:30

I watched this movie… I thought it was really nice… it made me think about how people when relationship are so eager to say the word… love… when all in love..… all are sweet…all are nice…. But then come the good bye bit… all turned sour…. And I like the tag for the movie… CAN YOU PROMISE FOREVER?.... I know when ppl are in love… typically they will say… I will love you forever…. But always the case it is never!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010

2010-01-05T20:47:00.000+10:30

Its new year already and I know I haven’t wished all ppl a very happy new year… I am not sceptical but for me it is just another day…. A day older and still many things to be done. I could still recall being a bit ‘MAD’ thinking how on earth on the 31^st Dec 2009, that there were 3 meetings to attend and yet I couldn’t attend any as I already booked patients to be seen in Tutong and Belait…. Furthermore, they only informed a day before, like in Wednesday! And once phone call was like at 3plus in the afternoon! WTH! And like things like these need to be looked at and rectified.

And I feel that I need to put a stop on these problems as well… like I know I been get to involved in a lot of things…meetings la…MME la H1N1 la… and I get involved in so many multidisciplinary teams… and yet no matter how hard to try to please and make everyone happy… still people are not happy with you. Let me say here… I have to cover like MHU, Stroke, Rehab Medicine, Obesity Clinic, Cardiac Rehab, CDC, Spinal Cord team, for outpatients and inpatients, and on top of that actively involve with whatever thing like meetings for this opening, that opening, committee for service directory la, board la etc… and have to cover Tutong and Belait as well. Just imagine, I know I have staffs under me, but some cases are needed to see by me first hand and being the only qualified one under the medical services, I am up to my neck! I am getting tired and so fed up, I make one happy and make another not happy… and just recently, been invited to join the MDT for oncology as well as we see their patients as well… just imagine, clinical time and then some admin things to do…. It is so pack… and still people not please not happy…. The problem is I don’t have much time to supervise or teach fully my junior staffs… thus I need them to be more proactive etc…. it is just that being label as trainee doesn’t entitle them to make decision and all, and these people would prefer to have me rather than them. I know as being the one qualified would be the best person but like I am the only one… it is hard! Like one example, I heard when people not happy as I supplied my junior to cover me for obesity clinic… and like they were like… we keep changing ppl…. We don’t…., its myself n one of my junior… so that when I cant make it, my junior would see the patients…. Wouldn’t that be better than no one at all seeing the patients?

For MHU it is understandable that they prefer me full time but I cant commit to that… I can just get the referral and see the patients in my clinic… while for Stroke and Rehab, I think it is more to neuropsych I rather be the one who attended the team as my junior wont have a clue about neuropsych at all… it is a specialised area…. I mean like people tell me that I should understand…. More like do they understand me? Like one in a while when I need to go KB or meeting or even on leave… I wont be able to attend rounds and so forth…. Just at times, I feel time is playing a joke… when I m around for rounds… at times, no case for me. The moment I was not attending people look for you…. Phew!

I know times are so constraining… like KB day is always Thursday for me and Tutong… it coincides with Rehab round and Obesity clinic so I have to make sacrifices. In that not that I go KB very often… the most is twice a month… and like I feel Rehab or Obesity would have to understand ya… I mean like Obesity… my junior would cover… and for rehab, at times I go KB to review the rehab patients there. Agnes was arguing just now that I should have prioritize but my argument is that…. i have to be fair… once a month in KB… is that too much to ask…. And for obesity, once I told a dietician that I was gonna be on leave, the person made faces to me…. Looking spastic and sceptically like… “who will see the patients on clinic day” I was like only a day… and like there were day I am at the clinic n no patients! Don’t I deserve break? And like she was on leave as well at times and no review! Human just like that… they can do it and yet others cant! And like u do 90% good work and slip out 10% and they will talk about the 10% bad things… and forget the good work!

I know I m vending my anger out here…. I love my work… I love my patients… it is just that the system and people that you work with! Anyhow… I plan to see CEO or ACEO to ask for some advice in this manner as I need to put a stop to these…. And like I can understand and I hope ppl understand as well…

Okay forget abt it… I knw I should be recharged as I took leave before the new year…. But maybe I need more!!! Hehehe anyhow I cant wait for my next trip!! Soon!!

Is this breaking season?

2009-11-26T03:55:00.002+10:30

I wonder... i know one song by Melly stating "like musim durian, musim putus cinta" and i am like.. yes this is durians season and well the past few days i been with people breaking up and having problem with their relationships.... well as most of u aware i broke up recently myself... but well i m happier.... but like last three days... one by one a fren came to me for consult n comfort... i was like wow... two from here in Brunei n one my dearest fren called from overseas... i was like wow... i try to be there for them and i hope it works... i just hope they will handle the situation well... just that at times not that i am anti-relationship or wat... but like i do know when a relationship is no longer work n cant work... and no point in staying together.... well....
anyhow... D called me today from Seychelles... i miss her... and i kind of insisted that come to visit me!!!! and well i definitely look frwd for this!!! ok till later!

TALENTIME

2009-11-22T22:52:00.001+10:30

Well, i wont be talking about this movie... but like always i like Yasmin's work... her movie is very distinctive than other typical malay movie... it is my genre must say... anyhow... this song by Aizat entitle "I GO" stuck to my head while i was doing my work today... yes i know it is sunday but i was doing my work! hehehe

"So long, fare thee well
The dancer and the dancing days have taken leave and fell
So turn down this bed of stone
Quench me with the deadly nightshade from the rose that you belong

The long December rain is falling now
Running down on streets to nowhere
Music is my life you're my sweetest nightingale
But I can't hear it here no more
And I go
I go

Hush now, don't shake or break
Words have fallen silent like soldiers to the grave
No matter what they do or say
Lay me on the sleepy meadow by the tracks upon your face"

2009-11-15T17:47:00.003+10:30

Hey, havent update this blog... always think of updating it but leisure time i rather surf or just watch dvds...
Anyhow, it has been very busy after the Hari Raya, works seems endless... at times i feel i am so busy that i dont even have for myself... health been deteriorating as never have the enough rest. Even today, supposed to have the World diabetic day event but i decided to stay home and rest. Mood have been up and down... i know what i need is a break! Just imagine there are times when i have like 3 meetings at a day and for crying out load, where can i have my time to see my patients, to organise my unit and to supervise my staffs! I think this has somehow affected my clinical skills. Damn at times, i wish i have more qualified staffs with me not only me alone to make all the decisions alone. And well i wish some have more initiative and more innovative as well.... sigh....
anyhow... i be okay i guess!
There been a wedding as well, and for once, i wasnt involved actively as i wasnt that well... missed few occasions and really feel sorry for that.
Anyhow, december is coming and all... well better month i hope....

PURA PURA

2009-11-04T02:11:00.001+10:30

"Setiap kali ku berfikir
Setiap kali ku mengerti
Jalan ini tak semestinya
Ku tempuh dalam hidupku

Seandainya aku mau
Seharusnya aku bisa
Tinggalkanmu yang slama ini
Ku cinta dalam hatiku

Maafkanlah aku
Yang tak mampu lagi berpura-pura
Untuk tak cintai kamu
Selama ini di depannya

Ku tak sanggup lagi
Terus kau suruh untuk slalu mengalah
Lebih baik aku pergi
Dari cinta yg tak pernah untukku"

2009-10-10T21:03:00.002+10:30

Hi, now it has been few weeks after raya...back to usual stuffs and eventhough i took a week off but that was not enough. Anyhow today is 10th October 2009, still got invitations for open houses but i have to pass them as i am not in condition to go. Anyhow, just an update.. I have decided that i want to end my relationship as i think it is for the best, i been trying to work it out but it has taken a toll, age differences, ideologies differences, this and that, the least i said the better, but i do hope the other person see it that way, and i know would be hard for the person but i wish the best. We grew apart and the relationship feels like a burden n more like work responsibilities and at times "terpaksa"... anyhow... there are far more important thing in the world than this now! :)
Okay, this week has been wow... last sunday, i woke up feeling a bit pain in my leg... but i tot just maybe i sprained it... i even went out to open houses, but later in the evening i realized something was not right, went to A&E well so many people, waited a bit but decided to go back. I couldnt sleep and about 3am i went back to A&E, i am sorry i know this is not general but the doctor i saw (not local) god he was useless... he didnt even do any investigation, like blood test, with the history given by me,.. i was pissed, i know i m bit selective with some painkillers, the doctor was like.. "wat can i give u then" pathetic... i just left.. and i tot nevermind i just go work n look for my fren in the morning. Well, ya... with my walking stick i turned to work, even saw patients in the wards, and blessed Dr Connie and Dr Munir did a check on me, and well did blood x ray... well we figured it gout. And i am on colchicine, it helped. But i think i needed the rest, i didnt get MC and still turned to work n i think walking around to wards n seeing patients taken a toll on me, i wasnt feeling well on wednesday and after stroke round on wed pm, i went home to rest, and slept and waking up to feeling SOB, got my asthma!! i tot i can wean it off by resting, it got worst... and about 3am, i was reluctant but i had to... i felt that i need nebulizer so i went to A&E again, hehehe mum was mad to find out that i went alone n drove myself... well now it was okay as i got Local doctor, she was good, got my nebulizer done, and prednisolone for my asthma, Oh ya i forgot to mention b4 all these, i got infection on my finger and i was on antibiotic flucloxacillin. Talk about heavily medicated i am...got mc.. and well yesterday, whole day, i kept going to toilet... diarheaa!, as i know i been warned that my medication will upset my stomach damn... i couldnot slept whole nyte only managed to sleep aroung 5am n up about 7am to go to work. Went to work but i needed toilet constantly with the "diarheaa"... i was like oh god hahaha... one after another... well hope next week is better....
Anyhow, i had my open house on 1st october 09, and my my the reception was overwhelmed. Didnt expect many people and we ran out food.. we opened around 5pm and not even 8pm, we ran out of food... and people kept coming... i couldnt do anything, sis-in-law, my bro were like .... heheh but mum n dad were quick to tackle the problem..... just imagine, we invited n yet not all turned up n still not enough! hahaha.... well... good one though....
anyhow... i think we should take a moment with all the disasters that happening around us, in Padang, in Phillipines... i think we should be grateful that we are here... pray all okay... and our prayers go to those ppl...
okay will stop here... til later ppl...

FIRST DAY RAYA 2009

2009-09-22T01:58:00.002+09:30

well, this is raya in Brunei after a few years i been away... just normal thing....

PSYCH TRIP

2009-09-22T01:52:00.001+09:30

Well, this was some time also... i think it was on 15th September 2009, after our work visit to KB... as it was fasting month... we finished work at 2pm and we decided to go Miri.. this was our second trip... the first was on the 5th Sept 2009... hehehehe Just me, Alinah and Moon...

HAFIZ'S BIRTHDAY

2009-09-22T01:46:00.005+09:30

Actually, this was weeks ago... i been delaying to put this here... okay we celebrated my little brother birthday, it was last week of august... cant remember the date... we went to I-Lotus for his celebration...

2009-09-15T07:28:00.000+09:30

Its about 6am now... i couldnt sleep and i have a trip to KB hospital today.. cant cancel it... i have booked many patients and i am supposed to drive mun and alinah as well... i just wonder why i couldnt even get an hour of sleep... will try to get power nap in between my patients... sigh.... it is cuz i drank coffee last nyte while i was at cafe in Qlap... i went out a bit to meet up with Amir, Hisyam and Ady as Amir is leaving for UK today to do his master... hmmm... anyhow... i just okay to see patients today!!

KEPUTUSAN HATI

2009-09-13T16:17:00.003+09:30

KEPUTUSAN HATI...
By Acha Septriasa

"ku tak tahu mengapa aku
begitu sulit melepasmu pergi
ku tak tahu mengapa aku
begitu sakit melepas dirinya
mungkinkah aku terlalu memaksa
jika ku ingin ada keduanya
yang aku tahu aku cintai dia
yang aku tahu begitu pula dirinya
tak habis-habis ku curahkan
isi hatiku tuk keduanyatapi mustahil bila ku terima semua
biarkan ini jadi keputusanku
ku rasakan sekarang ku coba sendiri
karna tak bisa ku memilihaku coba sendiri
ku tak tahu mengapa aku (sulit melepasmu)
(ku tak bisa untuk memilih)"

THE DAY I MISS DIANE...

2009-09-13T16:05:00.003+09:30

D, i was reading your blog... my my... i miss u heaps!!! Miss our days... and these few days, i was a bit down and god i damn miss u A LOT!!!!!!!!! I cant love anyone as much as i love u!!! Too bad... we are far hahahaha... but well... u r always in my heart....

WHERE GOT GHOST...

2009-09-13T15:49:00.002+09:30

I went last night to watch this movie... as always for me Jack Neo never disappoint me... from "I am not stupid" til now... i think he is brilliant... his movies really is close to real... and hence it is nice.... and this latest movie indeed is nice.... good one... funny and at times really freaky!! and the wisdoms are great... i watched late night show... that was good heheheeh.... i recommend this movie....
Anyhow... people do ask how am i doing... still the same... always busy with work... last few weeks... despite it is ramadhan... it had been very busy... attended lots of meeting.... tell u till next week saturday... i have tonnes of meeting... and many referrals as well... so this ramadhan had been fast....
About personal life... nothing much really... still going out with someone... but honestly... going downhill... just waiting right moment to end it.... wont say much.... well at least that what i want.... its hard when it became a burden.... anyhow... i will be okay....
And well, Raya is just around the corner... i must find the mood... hehehehe okay til later.....